Joke: Hilarious quotes

The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
George Jessel
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
Three rules to live by:
1. Don’t shop when you are hungry.
2. Don’t date when you are horny.
3. Don’t update your status when you are drunk.
Unknown author

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.
Douglas Adams

It’s easy to distract fat people. It’s a piece of cake.
Chris Addison

For money we can even work for free.
K/F “Social network”

The new rules are very simple. The FIA will keep them to themselves until such a time as Ferrari needs them
Patrick Head

The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive.
Coco Chanel