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My partner still co-sleeps with his 9 1/2 year old son

This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  MrsQuilter > 7 days ago.

Discussions Advice My partner still co-sleeps with his 9 1/2 year old son

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  • #1730674
    j91999
    Member
    Member since: August 25, 2019
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 0
    j91999

    Hi, I am after some advise please. I have been dating my partner for nearly two years. He is a solo father of a 9 1/2 year old boy. My partner has full custody of his son. Now since the beginning of our relationship I discovered that my partner and his son still sleep in the same bed. This has been since the sons age of 3 years when the mother left. His son has his own room but will only sleep in it if I am staying over which is maybe 1 or 2 nights in the week every second week. If they stay at my house the son will sleep the spare room. Now when the son is sleeping by himself he has major issues getting to sleep and will often cry until my partner lies in bed with him. When i’m not around they share the master bedroom. I often go over there and find the boy already in the bed or his belongings ie clothing on the floor. He uses the room as his own. Not only do I find this awkward (like I am pushing the kid out of his bed) but I also find this more and more disturbing as he gets older. I feel the son has a really unhealthy attachment to his dad. I raised my concerns with my partner a year ago and although he attempted to change this sleeping habit it, this was brief and in no time (not even a week) they were back to co-sleeping permanatly. I have brought up the subject time and time again but he believes now, that there is no issue with his co-sleeping and gets quite defensive so I no longer bring it up. This is a real issue for me, I find it disturbing and I can’t get past it. I am a solo mother myself and while I understand sometimes its ok to co-sleep on the odd occasion I don’t believe this permanent situation especially as the boy is nearing 10 years old, is healthy or appropriate. If anyone has any feedback or suggestions on this please come back to me negative or positive.

    • This topic was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by  j91999.
    #1735527
    MrsQuilter
    Member
    Member since: September 15, 2007
    Topics: 13
    Replies: 56
    MrsQuilter

    The only problem here is your thoughts about it – you don’t like the little boy sleeping with Dad. You are reading suspicion into a situation which is completely innocent.

    This young fella lost his Mummy when he was 3 years old and he’s been comforted by his Dad ever since. They have gotten into a habit the son doesn’t want to break and the Dad is reluctant to put more stress on his boy who is obviously very sensitive and possibly possessive of his Dad if he thinks he’s going to lose him too.
    It’s a very, very common issue.

    But it’s not your issue, it’s theirs. You have voiced your concerns, they have not been accepted and to dwell on this further is only going to make things worse for both of them. And you.

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