- #1731543supergold September 5, 2019 at 4:24 pm
Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)#1731565BryanMemberMember since: October 28, 2006
Replies: 12490Bryan September 6, 2019 at 9:55 am
😆 😆 😆 😆 😆
At Home, At Peace and Causing Trouble In South Taranaki#1731921supergold September 11, 2019 at 8:01 am
Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)#1731923supergold September 11, 2019 at 8:09 am
“I’ve just had the most awful time,” said a boy to his friends.
“First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy.”
“Wow! How did you pull through?” sympathised his friends.
“I don’t know,” the boy replied. “Toughest spelling test I ever had…”
Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)#1733271supergold September 29, 2019 at 1:05 pm
Two friends, one Kiwi girl and one Aussie girl, purchase a ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving to check out a good prospect, the Kiwi tells her friend, “Now, when I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”
The Kiwi arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.
After paying him the $599 asking price, she drives to the nearest town to send the Aussie a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my friend telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, and then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”
Well, after paying for the bull, the Kiwi has only $1 left, meaning she’ll only be able to send the Aussie a one-word message. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word…’comfortable’.”
The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable’?”
The Kiwi explains, “My friend is a Aussie. The word’s big. She’ll read it slowly…out loud… (“com-for-da-bul”).”
Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)#1733649supergold October 3, 2019 at 9:30 am
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin. clerk..… ‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Poof! She’s gone.
‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.’ Poof! He’s gone.
‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)#1733861supergold October 4, 2019 at 7:37 am
Childbirth at 65
Too good not to pass on, Enjoy !!!
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth… When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
‘May I see the new baby?’ I asked.
‘Not yet ,’ she said ‘I’ll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.’
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, ‘May I see the new baby now?’
‘No, not yet,’ She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, ‘May I see the baby now?’
‘No, not yet,’ replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, ‘Well, when can I see the baby?’
‘WHEN HE CRIES!’ she told me.
‘WHEN HE CRIES?’ I demanded. ‘Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?’
‘BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!’
Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)#1734005totaraMemberMember since: November 29, 2007
Replies: 551totara October 5, 2019 at 4:38 pm
God went to the Arabs and said,
‘I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.’
The Arabs asked, ‘What are Commandments?’
And the Lord said, ‘They are rules for living.’
‘Can you give us an example?’
‘Thou shall not kill.’
‘Not kill? We’re not interested..’
So He went to the Blacks and said, ‘I have Commandments.’
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
‘Honour thy Father and Mother.’
‘Father? We don’t know who our fathers are.
We’re not interested.’
Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
‘I have Commandments.’
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said ‘Thou shall not steal.’
‘Not steal? We’re not interested.’
Then He went to the French and said,
‘I have Commandments.’
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, ‘Thou shall not commit adultery.’
‘Sacre bleu! Not commit adultery? We’re not interested.’
Finally, He went to the Jews and said,
‘I have Commandments..’
‘Commandments?’ They said, ‘How much are they?’
‘We’ll take 10.’
There. That, should offend just about everybody…..#1734006totaraMemberMember since: November 29, 2007
Replies: 551totara October 5, 2019 at 4:41 pm
It took me five minutes to walk to the pub and 35 minutes to walk home.
The difference was staggering.
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