What Makes a True Friend?

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"A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow." William Shakespeare

When working with people who are planning for retirement or the next phase in their lives we often talk about developing a strong network of friends. But what are the characteristics of being a true friend? This is a question that is important to all of us at whatever stage we are at in our lives. So today I thought I would write about some of these characteristics or what we feel we need most in a friendship.

Friends listen.

Whether you are relating a good or bad experience, friends listen. They don't interrupt or try to make suggestions or recommendations. They simply listen, letting you get everything off your chest. When you have vented, they may offer feedback or have a suggestion, but they also acknowledge that you have to follow what is in your heart.

Friends don't judge.

No matter what you have done or what you are doing, friends may express their sentiments or offer their perspective, but they strive not to make any type of judgment. After all, they are not in your shoes and may have no idea what you are experiencing.

Friends don't abuse you.

They won't belittle, or swear or yell at you. They don't like to fight; they would rather discuss and work through difficult issues and situations. Friends don't try to control each other.

Friends are there for you.

Whether you are happy or sad, excited or exhausted, friends are always available. If you need to talk, they will listen, regardless of how long you talk or what time of day it is. If you are silent, they will sit next to you until you're ready to speak. Whether they go with you for a walk or hold you while you cry, they are there for you.

Friends accept you for who you are.

They don't try to make you the kind of person they think you should be, they just accept you. They accept you whether you're having a good or bad day, whether you are loud and boisterous or shy and quiet, whether you are always early or late, whether you are organized and clean or unorganized and sloppy.

Friends understand that friendship is a two-way street.

Friends listen to each other, share ideas and stories, brainstorm, and solve problems together. Their relationship is not one-sided; they both give and take.

Friends enjoy each other.

When you are with a real friend, time passes quickly. You laugh, share stories and experiences, do things together, and like to be together.

How many of these qualities are important to you in your relationships? Are there others you would add? Whatever you desire or need most, make a list of those characteristics and see how many of your "friends" have them. When you do this you may find that you're satisfied with your current friends or you may reassess what true friendship is. Either way, you deserve friends that listen, don't judge you, don't abuse you, are there for you, accept you for you who you are, understand that friendship is a two-way street, and enjoy you.

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one."C. S. Lewis.

Please tell me what you think or if you would like more information on this topic please contact me here.

Ron Tustin
Revive and Thrive Coaching, Professional Coach, member of International Coach Federation.

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www.reviveandthrivecoaching.com 
info@rtc.org.nz 
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