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humour & jokes articles
This is why I didn't show up for work yesterday: I was cleaning out my wife's grandpa's cellar and found 12 bottles of his home-bottled grape wine under the steps...
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?
A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race to offer some advice.
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. "What's the matter?" he was asked.
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
At the very first chance, Bob's friends corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?". Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!".
I just came across this exercise suggested for seniors to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems easy, so I thought I'd pass it on to some of my friends.
A very slightly built bus driver named Bob was running his route one day when a big hulk of a man got on.
A husband was having great difficulty getting along with his wife - nothing but arguing and friction - so he decided to consult a marriage counselor.
A wise and retired gentleman purchased a modest home near a college. He spent the first few weeks in his new home in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. ..
An American tourist in London was desperate to take a leak. Soon he finds out that some grudges just don't go away.
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
A newly engaged couple were having dinner with the bride-to-be's parents. Things were going smoothly until her father decided to find out a little more about her fiancé.
An old man was eating in a truck stop when three members of a motorcycle gang walked in.
Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.
A woman in a supermarket is behind a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.
Lovemaking Tips For Seniors 1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.2. Set timer for 3 .....
In the year of 1961 I was married at Warfield Church in Berkshire and with my then wife lived in a cottage owned by my ....
A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he can increase his stock.
POOF, THE LIGHT GOES OFF ! A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal so the ......
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
It was Christmas Eve. Harry and Shirley had returned from an enjoyable midnight mass at their local church. They arrived home and spent a short while relaxing by an open fire before retiring to bed.
A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit.
Farmer Brown goes out one bay and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken.
One day after the service a little boy approached the parish priest with a question...
Hypnotist At Senior Citizens Centre
It was entertainment night at the Senior Centre. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a .....
A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore.
A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow.
One Christmas, a long time ago, Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip; but there were problems... everywhere.
A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules.
It was the doctor's last patient consultation of Christmas Eve. A mother came in with her young daughter and asked if he would examine her because she had been showing some strange symptoms.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders.
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down the main street.
One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including a young girl.
A woman in her 30's was taking her mother, who was in her 50's to the gynecologist.
The General Managers of Tui, DB, Macs, Monteiths & Speights were at a National Beer Conference when they all went to lunch.
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant so he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done.
Three men arrived at a hotel to find that they were all booked up and only had a single room left with a single bed.
A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, ......
Even with a thousand games, dolls and crafts to choose from, my customer at the toy store still couldn't find a thing for her grandson.
After leaving the navy, a man applied for a job as a fork-lift driver in a soft drink factory.
The banana cake I was making was in the oven when my 16-year-old came into the kitchen where the family had gathered.
A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his.
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.
A little girl asks her mum, "Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?".
A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill.
A man is in the line at the supermarket check out, but when he gets to the register he realizes he's forgotten to pick up his condoms.
John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office.
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The teacher walked into the classroom to find a particular word chalked in small letters on the board.
Barak Obama and David Cameron are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. They both decide to .....
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.
Three Rugby Coaches – Robbie Deans, Martin Johnson and Graham Henry - are invited to heaven watch the World Cup .....
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
The manager was having difficulty with profits and fixed costs, so there was only one solution - more layoffs.
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout.
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well.
The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side.
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.
During her annual checkup, the well constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles.
An insurance rep, a sales assistant and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an old oil lamp.
The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open.
The employees at the factory where Johnny worked soon discovered that every Tuesday afternoon the boss would always leave work early, not to return that day.
Sam and Abe, now in their eighties, first met in grade school. Their relationship now is playing cards, playing jokes and making bets.
A lady goes into a dentists office, gets on a chair and spreads her legs far apart.
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals.
Starting his new job at the zoo, the eager young zoo keeper asked the Head keeper what he should do for his first task.
A man walks into his doctor's office and puts a note on the table for the doctor to read.
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with an octopus under his arm and says, "I'll bet any of you that my octopus can play any instrument that you give him."
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
Twenty years ago, my husband's job took us to Italy where we spent two years. It gets very hot and humid in summer ....
i was playing with the kitten,(called snow)when he put his paws up on the flower & pulled it down to smell it so...
An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35-pound pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after having marched 12 miles, and says, "This is sh!t"
A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing.
This guy who owns a horse farm gets a call from a friend. The friend says, "I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse, and I'm sending him over."
Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago.
A mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by her son's house after he was recently married.
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher.
A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner.
A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick.
Eight year old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's.
Mick's wife was furiously humping away with her husbands best mate Peter when suddenly the phone rang.
Mr. Smith comes to his wife, "Honey, could you be sewing on a wee button that's come off of my fly? I cannot button my pants."
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.
One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them.
A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before.
An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels.
A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her, and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.
The warden catches Frankie leaving the vicinity of the reservoir with a bucket of fish.
There was a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking about how their lives sucked.
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.
Desmond, who was a real town dweller, drove his car into a ditch when out on the country roads.
The Real Secret to a Happy Marriage
Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for.
A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together. When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and asks...
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. Cruising along, they came to an intersection.
Three men were walking aimlessly in the desert. They came upon a castle. Dying of thirst, they decided to go into the castle.
There were four teenagers who played hooky one morning. Upon coming to class in the afternoon, they reported that their lateness was because their car got a flat tire.
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
Following on with the editor’s prostate experience, this story tells of our family's dealing with this new ......
An old man is stopped by police at 2.30am and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I...
A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.
Story of a Woman Who Just Turned 47
When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a boyfriend.
The city miser was on his death bed, as his last request he asked to be alone with his lawyer, doctor, and priest.
A fellow walked into a bank in New York City asking for a loan for $4000 dollars.
Two men, Jim and John, were walking their dogs when they passed by a restaurant.
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window.
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups.
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to the local police station, where they saw pictures of the 10 Most Wanted men tacked to a bulletin board.
A sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy.
A lawyer named Strange died and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone.
A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of a few boys about 10 years of age, surrounding a dog.
A man at a retirement home was walking around with his zipper down holding his penis.
Thank the Lord for Uncle George
Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard.
Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, said "Where the hell have you been?"
A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a plane.
The Project Leader was asked to give a report on his assistant programmer.
A policeman is doing his usual rounds just before midnight when he passes a parking lot and notices a couple inside a parked car.
A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose. The doctor asks him what happened.
There was a teenage boy who worked in the produce section of the local market.
One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk.
A bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job.
The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra.
Old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.
In a far off land a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined.
Husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar with money in it and a horse standing next to it.
Who said children are getting dumber every year. Check out the wisecracks below and judge for yourselves...
A software engineer, hardware engineer, and departmental manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland.
A guy walks into a bar and notices he's the only one there, apart from the barkeep, who's on the phone.
Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers, and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
A Pole and a Czeck go bear hunting. When they don't come back their friend go looking for them.
There was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job.
A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy.
The boy's Grandnma had a big bowl full of shelled and husked peanuts sitting on the table.
The owner of the agency spotted the couple and went over to wait upon them
Would you buy a new colour television and then cut a hole in your lounge floor because you have no other furniture, so ....
An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.
There were three men in a bar. All three were sitting at the bar stool and one got up to use the bathroom.
While the bar patron savoured a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him.
A very proper man started going into the neighborhood drug store every week and buying 2 dozen boxes of condoms.
Differences Between You and Your Boss
When you take a long time, you're slow. When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough...
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport.
A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back.
Cinderella is now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
A man in a bar had a couple of beers, and the bartender told him he owed 4 dollars.
A father came home and asked where his son was. His wife replied that he was downstairs playing with his new chemistry set.
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
When Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he said "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind, good luck Mr. Goorski."
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain.
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
Two guys were on a long drive back from a fishing trip, when one turned to the other and said he needed to go to the bathroom.
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.
One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...
A group of people were in a shipwreck and were stranded on an island.
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.
One afternoon, there was a good witch who was flying along, when all of a sudden, she heard this soft crying from down below. When she landed, she saw this yellow frog. Touched by his sadness, the witch asked why he was crying.
A Graduate Student in Psychology
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her...
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
A travel agent looked up from his desk and saw an older lady and an older gentleman peering into the shop window, where there were posters of glamorous destinations around the world.
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
Many years ago, my father sent overseas to purchase a Gurkha Kukri ceremonial knife. This knife is held in a leather ......
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began r
There was this guy who had been to about every bar in town. So one night, he hopped into a taxi cab and told the driver to take him to the best bar in town.
A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it.
With modern medical conveniences coming into Russia since the USSR's breakup, many Russians still have to learn how to do things that westerners understand from modern culture.
An elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said...
At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence.
Why English Teachers Are Important
Why English Teachers Are Important: The Words are the same. Only the punctuation changes...
Sandy began a job as an primary school counselor and was eager to help the students. One day during recess, she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter says, "You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths some people will go to, to sneak in. Can you prove who you really are?"
How many tourists go to Los Angeles or Las Vegas and never see a celebrity. My wife and I have been three times and on ...
This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench in front of a large pond. On the other side of the pond are vendors selling all types of snacks and food.
When I first moved into our house, many years ago, the grass was long and the weeds were prolific. On starting to attack...
A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.
There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.
Instead of Astrological Signs, how about these... What's Your Business Sign?
There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.
A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them.
Once upon a time, there was a prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch.
Outside a chemist in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle, just standing there, frozen.
Judi was startled to see the nonchalant way Jon was taking the fact that his lady love was seen with another man.
Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things.
A blonde goes to an international message centre and says to the man behind the counter. "Hello, I'd like to send a message to my Mum back home. How much will it cost?"
A couple had been married 30 years and decided to go back to the same hotel that they had stayed at on their honey moon.
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
Eileen and her husband Bob went for counselling after 25 years of marriage.
An 18 year old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit.
The Broccoli, The Walnut, and the Mushroom
A broccoli, a walnut and a mushroom had a night of bragging games.
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.
Barbara Walters, formerly of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.
This suggests putting Senior Citizens in jail and Criminals in nursing homes would correct TWO problems in one motion!!
Two guys, one old bloke and one young, are pushing their carts around the supermarket when they collide.
When the nurse was bathing a female patient who had been in a coma for many months, she noticed a reaction when placing a sponge between her legs.
I had three girlfriends, but wasn't sure which one to marry. So I decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.
"Don't laugh!" said the patient, Ed. "Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional."
A manager at the council had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified.
A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate ageing baby-boomers...
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt...
The Department of Labour claimed a South Canterbury farmer was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how powerful kings and queens...
The sixth volume of Alexander McCall Smith's wonderful serial novels set in Edinburgh.
One day, God went to find Adam and Eve in the garden, but found that Adam was sitting by himself.
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
My wife and I went to the Hunterdon County 4H agricultural show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.
A guy goes into a church confessional booth and says: "Forgive me Father for i have sinned."
A Small Glimmer of Hope in the Gloom!
'Viagra' is now available in powder form for your tea/coffee.
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.
During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
A Priest, A Doctor, and an Australian
A priest, a doctor, and an Australian were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
A mother was running late for her regular check-up with her gynaecologist. She usually took a moist flannel in a bag ......
Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with his mate when a lorry went by loaded up with rolls of turf. Paddy said, 'I ....
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me.
How to get to Heaven from Ireland
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.
A while back, when I was considerably younger, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home.
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in Thailand.
WICOE (Women In Charge Of Everything)
Is proud to announce the opening of its EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN! ALL ARE WELCOME
Not The Answer We Were Looking For
"Well," said Bob, "I got kicked out of the Trivia Contest"
Yesterday I was at my local New World buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
A man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he's going.
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language was boiled down to 4-letter words.
In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 50.
Please warn ALL your male friends. This can turn out very ugly!!!
Hell Explained by a Chemistry Student
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term paper.
Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing. He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Bunnings and pick up a hinge.
Olef and Sven were fishing on Lake Taupo when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.
TEA PARTIES, THEIR HOST AND HOSTESS
ONE NEVER KNOWS WHERE THEY ARE FROM. THE HATTER AND HOSTESS ARE FROM, I BELIEVE, "WUNNERFUL HINTERLAND." ......
One of Our Thursdays is Missing
Thursday Next returns in another inventive, funny and fantastical adventure by the comic and creative genius, Jasper Fforde.
The twelfth novel in the wonderful 'No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency' series, from master storyteller Alexander McCall Smith.
Yes this is a joke. Please read very carefully for a goog giggle!!Tequila Christmas Cake Ingredients:1 cup of water1 tsp...
One of the unwritten and unenforceable clauses in your job contract is to attempt to get along with your boss....
En garde!Are you ready to grill to the death? Swashbuckle your way to the perfect sausage.The BBQ Sword ....
Fantastic comedic interview on the topic of the recent oil spill.
The new London-based series from Alexander McCall Smith, comparable in warmth and humour to 44 Scotland Street.
Spent: Memoirs of a Shopping Addict
A former model's shocking and visceral memoir about the shopping addiction that almost destroyed her.
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After ...
The Double Comfort Safari Club
By ALEXANDER MCCALL SMITHPublished by Little, Brown in Hardback on 1 February 2010 / RRP $39.99The eleventh novel in...
An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower ......
Joke: Abbott & Costello Buy A Computer
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this.
A Talented Man Playing a Keyboard With Balls (Video)
What do you get when you combine a juggler with a keyboard?
An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. ...
Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for .....
A Joke for the golfers amonst us!!! A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart...
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that ......
Kindly find time to laugh your heart away. The following are just for laughs. 1. A couple were having financial ......
"Daddy, how was I born?" [circa 2008]
A little boy goes to his Father and asks "Daddy how was I born?" The Father thinks for a minute and says, ......
Good old days ! or were they??
I came across a notebook a few days ago, one that I had recorded the costs of running my 1963 Vauxhall Victor. These ....
'Laughter is the best medicine', a saying we've all heard and subscribe to, don't we?Dr. ....
Two middle aged men were in the pub having a quiet drink and discussing world affairs after a hard days work at the ......
What can you have that can be described as slim or fat yet you still have the same thing? Scroll down.... . . . . . ...
I THINK I'LL CLIMB THAT MOUNTAIN THERE MY FRIENDS SAY IT IS FUN I THINK I'LL CLIMB THAT MOUNTAIN THERE ......
Being born into Aristocracy carries its share of responsibilities but my siblings and I as youngsters tended to rebel .....
This is a real true story , I was driving down the back of Queensland on my way to Newcastle to catch the P&O ......
While visiting the beautiful town of San Gimiginano my husband and I both needed to use the toilet and discovered what ....
So - we join the ranks of farmers retired to the town! Never again will we be classed as 'bumpkins'. Not that ....
A husband and wife were in the bathroom - he was just finishing his shower and she was ready for hers, when the doorbell...
A few of the questions of life that I still have no answer for. So what things ......
Welcome to the A.B.C. company, your call is very important to me. We know that you are very busy, that's why you ....
Come, said the frog to the toad, let us hop down to the pond, at the end of the road. Jump on to a giant lily ....
Life Outside My Hospital Window
22-1-08 5:00pm Ward 11 ( Room Lucky 13) Nth Shore Hospital, Auckland.Leafy green trees fluttering in the cooling ....
Reply from Santa to Tanith and Tara
Thankyou for the goodies you left for the reindeer & myself. The apples you left for the reindeer were terrific ....
For those of you who visit Auckland in the holidays these tips could save your life, print ....
Ponder This - 38 Things You Should Have Learned By Now
38 Things You Should Have Learned By Now 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the...
My 85-year-old grandmother came to stay with me for a while. One day, I told her, “Nana, I’m going out this...
This was printed in our local paper on Friday,gave me a chuckle, hope you all enjoy it to.To Exercise or ......
I read this today on a US forum, I thought it worth sharing here.When you have a doubt and need some confidence, ....
While at work the other day I had my head down writing when someone came into the office to by a ticket. I acknowledged...
Aspire to Inspire before you Expire
This will warm your heart. Just when you have lost faith in human kindness:This letter .....
Recently, I bought a monkfish as a treat for my husband. "Great, he said. I'll cook it in Mediterrannean ......
PLAY ON WORDS----WASHINGTON POST's MENSA INVITATIONAL WINNERSHere is the Washington Post's Mensa ......
A cabbie picks up a nun.She gets into the cab and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at ....
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.
I was at the beauty shop yesterday for nearly two hours and that was only for an estimate.It's really .....
Exercise For my birthday this year my wife purchased me a week of ......
My son came home from school one day, with a smirk upon his face. He decided ....
Ray, goes into an up-market Auckland bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough ......
It's the final of the Rugby World Cup and a man makes his way to his seat, overlooking right at centre of ...
This is my giggle for the day, and I wanted to share it with you all!! .....My Grandmother started walking 5 miles a .....
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've .....
This is a short story about my mother, who passed away a year ago. When I was very young, way back in the late 50s - 60s...
Napoleon in the English Channel
We bought a section of land to build a house on from an elderly Cornishman, like most of his generation a fantastic ......
Humour: laughs to brighten your day!
Welcome to plenty of laughs to make you smile, have a giggle and in general (we hope!) brighten your day.To view all ......
Things Not Always What They Seem
It was around 1956, we were in the port of Stettin, Poland, from memory to unload coal. A busy port, lots of ships, ......
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed,
Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart ....
Go on...have a read, we have hundreds of articles and jokes that will make you laugh.
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud...
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery in Afghanistan of the heaviest chemical element yet .....
Everything you always wanted to know about food and drink...
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?A: Your heart is only good for so many ......
A man in a hot air balloon, realising he was lost, reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended further .....
My parents taught me, above all else, honesty in all things, and for the most part I had little trouble with the ......
"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." --President Gerald Ford "My fellow ......
Things Got You Down? Well then, consider these...
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., ....
Five things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk: 5. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might ......
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their ....
An open letter to Mr James Thatcher, Brand Manager, Proctor & GambleDear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a ....
An Indian man walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that ...
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.2. Don't worry about what ....
Only in… New Zealand?A couple from Wellington is upset with a McDonald's restaurant after taking their ......
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost... Wandering about, ...
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started...
The house was up in the bush above the street, 87 steps up in fact, with the neighbours on either side some distance ......
They certainly do...you won't, actually you might, believe these clangers!
In the early 1950's I was just a year out of college amd worked for a doctor as receptionist, typist, nurse and ......
My daughter's youngest son looks like an angel but has been the most fractious, whining, wailing and generally noisy...
Recently I spent a few days over Christmas with my 8 year old grandaughter and I had a ball.....Now, I really enjoy ......
After I left College, I was nurse-receptionist and general dogsbody for a very nice young Physician. One evening he and...
Well we weren't really earwigging we actually just sat down to have some breakfast after flying from Gisborne to ......
When a junior nurse at a private hospital you often get the little essential jobs that the more senior nurses have ......
When my twin grand daughters were small they did everything together. If one did something the other had to join in ...
The weekend weather looked promising so we decided to go to Taupo for a couple of days in our Toyota Hiace campervan. It...
Emma is my Granddaughter and is now 10years old but last year when she had a loose baby tooth she decided that she ....
They have given me an Answer Phone They think it is the best For needy people to make their request For food ......
humour & jokes discussions
- Happy St Patrick's Day
Latest comment at 09:47 17 Mar 2012 by Cpt Orion - "CLOWNING"
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Latest comment at 23:01 14 Dec 2009 by Jante - Daily Haha Thread (v2)
Latest comment at 19:35 07 Nov 2012 by WandaKR - Things aren't always as they appear.
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