Rural New Zealand Terminology

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A little bit of Kiwi culcha!

• LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbeque hotter

• LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbeque.

• MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbeque.

• DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the Ute.

• HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold beer....

• KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys.

• WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold.

• SCREEN: What you shut in the mosquito season.

• BYTE: What mosquitos do...

• MEGABYTE: What South Island mosquitos do.

• CHIP: A pub snack.

• MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.

• MODEM: What you did to the lawns.

• LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps....

• SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get on an airplane.

• HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart...

• MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.

• MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.

• WEB: What spiders make.

• WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.

• SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the Ute won't go.

• CURSOR: What you say when the Ute won't go.

• YAHOO: What you say when the Ute does go.

• UPGRADE: A steep hill.

• SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

• MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counterlunch.

• USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

• NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.

• INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.

• NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net.

• ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

• OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.

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