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On The Right Track
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'
Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history..."
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All contributions are entered into our regular prize draws!Below are a selection of User Contributed Article related to Joke of the Day.
by barr012 22nd July 2011
A little old lady answered the doorbell and saw a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning."said the young man."If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the lady. "I hav'nt got any money!" As she closed the door, the young man quickly wedghed his foot in the door and pushed it open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said."Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, ma'am, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
Joke of the week
A Scottish engineer died. Arriving at the Pearly gates, he meets St Peter. St Peter said, welcome and asked for his details. The engineer looked around and thought - I like this place. It took some time for his details to be checked, but, he was happy.
Eventually St Peter returned and told him "sorry' you are not on my list the engineer was dumfounded - eventually he found his voice. This cannot be - please check again. St Peter said again, you are not on my list, you must belong 'down below'. The engineer was dumfounded - I have been a good human all my life - looked after my family and all humankind as God has instructed. You belong 'down below'. That is final. St Peter said.
The engineer feeling even more dumfounded found his way 'down there'. It took him some time to adjust to the heat and of course the people. He was a good communicator, so, he made friends easily. After some time, he began to think, I am an engineer I should able to improve our situation down here.
He put his engineering skills to work, drew up a plan. 'Air-conditioning'. Ah! Yes. Now! everyone enjoyed this. Other plans came to mind, a Spa pool, requests started to pour in from his new friends. A hot pool - a cool pool - a cool car to ride around in. Ideas were flowing. He was having the greatest of time. Life was good.
Then one day the engineer received a call from above. St Peter. Look, said St Peter, with apologies. I have found that an error was made in our files with your application. You are on our list, after all. Please return up here now. The engineer said, no, no. I am very happy where I am, thank you. I have a good life, made many wonderful friends, having the time of my life down here. St Peter frowned and said, that is not possible, if you are on my list this where you belong. The engineer smiled, and again, saying no, no. I am very happy down here, thank you. Then St Peter, said, then, this will have to be settled in court.
The engineers smile was even wider now.
Saying - and where are going to get a 'Lawyer?'
Biggs
The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall, with a very strange look on his face. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what's up. "He wanted something for his cough, but I could'nt find the cough syrup," the clerk explains."So I gave him a box of laxatives and told him to take it all at once." "Laxative won't cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily. "Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing to the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him.He's too afraid to cough."
A very fishy tail
A man was out fishing in his boat and had no luck all day when all of a sudden he hooks a large Salmon reeling him in and landing him he gets out his club and is about to end the fishes life when low and behold the fish yells stop don’t kill me I have a wife and family.
The fish tells the man his name is Rusty and that if he releases him he will grant him a wish the man releases Rusty back into the water and his wish which shall remain anonymous is granted.
Several years go buy and the man returns to the same fishing spot and Rusty jumps in to the boat to say hi the converse for a while and the fisherman ask what Rusty has been up to.
Rusty replies well I have gotten a divorce remarried had 3000 children and written a book. Every day I would swim to the bottom of the ocean sit on this old ship wreck and write poems.
What’s the book called asks the fisherman
Rusty replies it’s called Salmon Rusty”s book of Titanic verses.
Bob,a handsome dude,walked into a sports bar> He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10.30pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the stopry of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied,"Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 note on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset but willingly handed her $20 to Bob,saying,"Fair's fair. Here's your money." Bob replied,"I can't take your money.I saw this earlier on the 6pm news, and so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too but did'nt think he'd do it again." Bob took the money.........
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