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Ol' Paddy
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
***
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up.
***
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
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- Happy St Patrick's Day
Latest comment at 09:47 17 Mar 2012 by Meandog - "CLOWNING"
Latest comment at 18:40 01 Oct 2010 by jesse - Naughty Jokes
Latest comment at 23:01 14 Dec 2009 by Jante - Daily Haha Thread (v2)
Latest comment at 15:10 17 Jul 2011 by Gigglebyte - Things aren't always as they appear.
Latest comment at 21:19 20 Aug 2008 by Kari - JOKES
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All contributions are entered into our regular prize draws!Below are a selection of User Contributed Article related to Joke of the Day.
by grah025 21st June 2011
Mick . from Dublin. was appearing on "The Irish Millionaires Show", and towards the end of the show had already won 500 000 eu.
"You are doing very well", said the shows presenter ,"but for a million euros you have one life line left - phone a friend - everything is riding on this question will you have a go?"
"Sure" said Mick, " I will give it a go!!"
Which of the following birds doesn't build a nest?
a - Sparrow, b - Thrush, c - Magpie or d - Cuckoo ?
"I haven't got a clue - so I will phone my friend Ol Paddy back home in Dublin" said Mick!
Mick repeated the question to Ol Paddy.
"Dats simple " said Paddy, " it's da Cuckoo!!"
"Are ya sure?"
"Absolutely" said Ol Paddy.
"I will go with Cuckoo as my answer", says Mick.
''Is that your final answer"
"Dat it is , Sir'' said Mick.
After a long pause - the presenter said - 'Mick that is the correct answer - you have won 1 million euros - congratulations"
The next night when buying Ol Paddy a drink in the local Mick asks him how he knew the correct answer.
"Thats easy". Ol Paddy said, " I got a cuckoo living in my Grandfather's clock!"
Ol Paddy had reached the 64 000 eu question on Irish Radio.
"Would you like to have a go at the 64 000 euro question, Paddy "??? asked the Question Master.
"Dat I would so", replied Ol Paddy.
"Who was the first known woman in the Bible???? - for 64 000 euros"
"I don't tink I know dat " - said Ol Paddy after careful consideration.
"I will give you a clue ", said the presenter - " She was recorded as eating the first apple!!!"
"I know! I know dat one" - said Ol Paddy - " It was Granny Smith!"
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