Ron Tustin - Change Can Be HARD

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"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."- Mary Engelbrei

At the moment many of us are struggling with change – making changes forced on us by severe weather, earthquakes or the economy – making changes such as losing weight, finding or changing jobs, leaving or starting new relationships, coping with illness such as heart disease or depression, staying happy with what we have. But no matter how different the challenge may be for each of us, one thing is common to us all, we all find it very hard to change.

Change IS hard. And it's hard because, as humans, our brains are wired a certain way. When we understand how the mind works, we can use this knowledge to make change a little easier and stop battling with ourselves. We can use our minds to work WITH us instead of AGAINST us. We can learn to have some control over our thoughts and emotions instead of being at their mercy.

Julie Donley, in her book “Does change have to be so H.A.R.D.?”  describes several strategies to deal with change in our lives. She uses the acronym H.A.R.D.to show how we are trapped by our Habits and Attachments and struggle with Resistance and Discouragement.

Habits

Our brains are wired to create and keep to routines and structure in order to get things done. Habits allow us to function well and to manage multiple things throughout the day. Every time we try something new, we have to concentrate –but usually after practice, we can perform the task without thinking about it. Then something that was new and different has become a habit.

Attachments

We cling to people, places and things. Most people have a difficult time letting go and going with the flow of life. We want and expect things (and people) to last forever. We hold on tight to our youth as our bodies age, hold on to our ideas even when we are wrong, and hold on to our relationships even when we are very unhappy. To detach requires us to accept things as they are, not as we wish they were. We hurt ourselves greatly when we hold onto our ideas about how things 'should' be as opposed to how they are.

Emotions are the key to identifying attachments. The harder we fight, the more stubborn we are, the more attached we are.

Resistance

Resistance shows up in many ways including self-doubt, judgment, procrastination and excuses. Resistance is FEAR. Identifying our fear is the first step. If we notice how we are behaving such as making excuses or procrastinating, and then recognise the fear, we can tame it.

This is just another way the mind plays with us and keeps us stuck. As we begin to change or even think of changing something, we are threatening the status quo. Adrenaline is released just as if we were in real physical danger and we respond with resistance.

Discouragement

We get discouraged when things don't happen as quickly as we'd like them to. It may be that we have unrealistic expectations about how long something will take to complete. For example, we may think we c an find a new job in a few weeks when it can take several months. We become frustrated and get impatient. If we are not very good at recognising and acknowledging small steps to success along the way, we may give up on the goal.

So change is difficult for all of us. If we recognise the habits we form, the attachments we all have, how we resist change and get discouraged, and learn how to work with these things rather than succumb to them, we are on the way to creating the lives we want for ourselves. All these factors lead to greater motivation and progress toward our goals.

To be successful at making a change in our lives, we need to get to know and be a friend to our minds. By understand a little bit about how it works, we can learn how to use it to assist us in creating the kind of life we want. The mind is not something to control us to tell us how to live but rather a tool for us to master and use to our advantage.

If you would like to find out more about this topic or have a private conversation about change you are presently going through, please contact me at info@rtc.org.nz

To change one's life:  

1. Start immediately.  
2. Do it flamboyantly.  
3. No exceptions.

Ron Tustin
Revive and Thrive Coaching

Read Ron's Blog
www.reviveandthrivecoaching.com
info@rtc.org.nz
Ph 0800 003679

Motivating baby boomers to see the world with fresh eyes.
 

Published 25th May 2011

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