Agewell: The Wonderful Privilege of Ageing

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Article by Mike Milstein

Helen King’s banker parents shifted about New Zealand, living in one or another of the country’s big cities. She was born in Christchurch and did her nurses training at Wellington Hospital. She married and raised four children. The family moved to Nelson in 1976 where her husband died nineteen years ago.

She believes that the quality of our lives is more about what’s inside us than it is about what’s out there. “I was unhappy when my father shifted the family when I was 15 and again when I was 18, interrupting my social life a bit. I had to say goodbye to friends. But it’s like closing a chapter and opening a new one.”

“When I married I was prepared to go where my husband went. I tried to make moving, particularly with the children, an adventure rather than a burden. Coming to Nelson was the hardest shift of the lot. I only had one daughter at home at that time and she was very quiet. When they are younger you make friends through your children. It took me two years until I felt at home. Now I wouldn’t leave for anything.”

Helen stays very active. “I’ve always been an outdoors person. I enjoy being outside and doing physical things. After my husband died I tried to find exciting things that I wanted to do rather than what we wanted to do. I have made parachute jumps, canoed on the Wanganui River, rafted the Clarence, and tramped in Tasmania. I’ve also been to some interesting places overseas and I still have a wish list that I keep crossing things off of. There are still a few places that I want to go to but if I don’t, it doesn’t matter does it?”

Looking backward Helen says “things just happen in my life. I make the most of where I am. I’ve seen a lot of New Zealand and we did a lot of exploring and adventuring when we had the family. It enabled me to discover wonderful things about our country.”

She is also aware of how important her family is to her. “I have a wonderful family. I don’t think I could have managed without them. I need them very much. The family has always helped. They say ‘yes Mom, you can, and mom does!’ My family role has changed gradually, unconsciously maybe. When my mother died, my sister and I became the oldest of all the cousins, but I find my children do things for me now. They are caring, instead of me having to be the care giver. I still do things for them too and for the grandchildren, but it has shifted a bit. That’s okay, why not?”

Helen realizes that she is very fortunate. “I have good health and I live well. I have a home to live in, a roof over my head, enough money to pay for medical needs, a family I love very much, lots of friends, and a garden to look after.”

“I don’t mind being 76. I think ageing is a privilege. I see so many people who don’t live to see their grandchildren, like my husband. So many people who don’t get to grow old. I’m not old yet, but I am getting older. I’m lucky to see my children and my grandchildren grow and I still am able to do things with them.”

“I don’t think about growing older. I just look at it as life. I’m living and tomorrow is tomorrow. I don’t know how long I’m going to live, but I don’t think about it. I’m just grateful that I can get up in the morning and do all the things I want to do and I have a reason for getting up. I think about what I am doing today and away I go!”  

Note: This article summarizes an interview aired by Fresh FM that was conducted by Dr. Annie Henry and sponsored by Age Concern, Nelson. If you want to share your thoughts with the Conscious Ageing Network (CAN) or wish to know when interviews will be aired and when CAN articles will appear in the Leader, send an email to agewell@xtra.co.nz.  

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