Agewell: The Challenges of Our Middle Years

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By Mike Milstein

Judy Biggs, who has lived and worked in Nelson for the past 14 years, is in her forties, which makes her part of the “in between generation.” There are several aspects of her “in between” life that she is thinking about. She feels the loss of her Dad, who died three years ago at the age of 67 and changes in her mother’s state of health are a concern. She also has a son who she thinks about as he is starting out on his own adult life and a daughter who has presented her with her first granddaughter. She clearly is in the middle: being available to her mother and her adult children at the same time that she is getting used to having an empty nest and trying to establish herself as a single adult.

Her Dad’s death has made Judy “realize how important it is to live your life well. He did so but unfortunately he worked hard and died young. I learned from his death and from Mum’s illness: You need a balanced life of work and things you enjoy. Take the time to smell the roses.”

On the other end of life’s spectrum, a ten month old granddaughter “has kept me young. I get down on the floor and play and make all those funny noises with her, noises that we as adults are otherwise too embarrassed to make!”

Being in the middle, Judy knows how important it is to stay fit and healthy. “I have a busy and stressful life so I get a yearly warrant of fitness by the doctor. I use walking as a way to stay balanced. Five minutes out and I’m letting go of all that stuff. It’s a habit that is really good for me. I have a good vegetarian diet, I look after my self emotionally and I exercise a lot.”

“I have a positive outlook on life. I try to let go when things look bleak. I have had things overwhelm me, but I realize that bad things aren’t long term. It’s really a mind set. I refuse to let things get me down.” She has also found counseling to be a valuable tool for this purpose, “working things through with someone not attached to you.” In essence, she takes care of her self in different ways. “Each day is to be embraced.”

Judy’s girl friends keep her “strong and motivated. She says they are an awesome support network. We laugh so much.” She also believes that dancing is a big part of it. If all else fails, go out and dance. Everyone should get out and dance, at least once a week.”

Her Dad’s death and her children leaving home have made Judy think about how she will age. “I have an 87 year old friend who is a wonderful role model. She is young at heart. I can see myself keeping busy with volunteer work and I still intend to walk, eat healthy, have lots of exercise and live to a ripe old age. I totally intend to still be dancing in my 80s!”

“I want to be able to look back and say I’ve done it! I’ve done the things I was working toward. I know I’ll be happy about my life. It is a privilege to be a mother, grandmother, and possibly a great grandmother.

Judy is happy about her middle years. “It’s a time where I think abut what I have in my life, how fortunate I am, and I’m making plans for the future.”

Her advice to others in her age group is to “spend time with your parents while you can and be there for your children as they make a life for themselves. It’s really important to help your parents, not out of obligation, but out of love for each other. It’s important to do the same for your children. As adults they need to take their own paths. Step back, let go and let them do their own thing, even though you want to protect them. That’s a huge thing.”

Note: This article was published in The Leader, Nelson, NZ. It summarizes an interview aired on Nelson’s Fresh FM that was conducted by Annie Henry for the Conscious Ageing Network (CAN), which is sponsored by Age Concern, Nelson. If you want to share your thoughts with CAN or wish to know when interviews will be aired, send an email to agewell@xtra.co.nz.

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