Agewell: Ageing Consciously

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By Mike Milstein

Like many of us, Denese Moore remembers “when everyone was older than me. Now I find that my friends are younger than me!” Denese, an Aucklander by birth, spent a good part of her life between there and Wellington before “crossing the ditch” to Nelson about seven years ago.

Life, at the moment, is about using her skills at work, but it’s also about community service. She is still energized by her work, but she is at that important transition stage of life where she realizes that she needs to be thinking about retiring and moving on to other challenges. She prefers to consciously prepare for this change rather than just let it happen.

One facet of ageing, according to Denese, is how others see you. “People say how old are you and put you in a little box. You feel the cold wind of people’s attitudes. Western society, in particular, is not kind to the aged. I rail against it. I don’t accept it.” In fact, she is quite concerned about the lack of respect given to older people. She recalls talking with a younger person who said ‘if my grandmother wants my respect she’s going to have to earn it.’ I found myself quite incensed by that comment.”

Another facet of ageing is maintaining your independent living situation as long as possible. She already has a “home on the flat” but believes that “you have to get your head around a lot of things before you reach the age where it’s impossible to do so. I’ve seen people a little bit older than me not knowing what they are going to do. I don’t want to be there. You need to be sorting that out in your 50s and 60s in order to create an environment that is safe for you, physically and mentally.”

“We live longer now. I think it’s sad when people drift and don’t get rid of their extra bits and pieces. Their children don’t want them. When you are in your 20s and 30s you collect things. When you are older you find that these things are a bit of a bore and they make more housework.”

Denese lives a full and productive life.  “I’m offended by anybody who lives life and is bored. I see no reason for that whether you are 9 or 90. There is one chance and you’ve got to take it with both hands.”

Most important, Denese believes that “you need to carve a niche for yourself. There is a place for your wisdom and knowledge, whether it’s helping children at the local school by being a surrogate grandparent or being otherwise involved with your community. I have a philosophy of giving back. I belong to a society and I take the benefits it endows me with. I can give back, not only through my work but through my community service.”

Note: This article, which appeared in The Leader, Nelson, NZ, on December 18, 2008,  summarizes an interview aired on Nelson’s Fresh FM that was conducted by Annie Henry for the Conscious Ageing Network and sponsored by Age Concern, Nelson. If you want to share your thoughts with CAN, send an email to agewell@ihug.co.nz.  

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