Men are full of surprises. And bedroom behaviour is no exception. Men have their secrets and they want their wives to know them. It's true that all men have sex secrets. Not the darn sultry secrets of an affair, but a restraint in sharing some cravings or the details of his day-to-day thoughts and actions with his wife - inside and out of the marriage. He may not reveal romance strategies or feelings of vulnerability or shame. These are things that men may have learned, over time, to keep to themselves. Because a man does not always openly express his emotions, women too often feel that his 'unavailability' is intentional, that his silence is an unwillingness to open up. Men are actually full of thoughts and feelings, but unable to meet the standards that too many put on them to openly communicate them. So, what powerful facts about themselves do all men want to share with their spouses? Here are eight sex secrets that may help you understand - and get even closer to - your man.

A long, long time ago, your husband bought you some lingerie. Remember? You wore it once or twice, then stuffed it deep in the back of a drawer. Well, the time has come to dig it out. Consider dressing for his tastes and not just yours once in a while. When you dress for him, he takes it as a sign that you still care enough to make the effort. Men are visual creatures and get a lot of sexual mileage out of what they see. So, some sexy lingerie will go a long way to rekindle the passion you share. Surprise him by slipping into something he will find exciting. And, there is something about lace, ribbons, feathers, or not-so-subtle sheer material that drives a man wild. And honestly, who can blame him? Plus, when you indulge in sexy lingerie, do not get too hung up about your appearance or stretch marks. Movies and fashion magazines may make women feel they must have taut tummies and look model-perfect, but men say they appreciate real women with foibles and imperfections. And personality counts! Your insecurity will rob you and your husband of precious moments together. So, when your husband says you look beautiful and sexy just the way you are, believe him. Dust off the lingerie and fire up the candles.

If your husband is always the one to start things up, eventually he'll wonder, 'Why doesn't she ever initiate lovemaking? Doesn't she want me anymore? A man wants nothing more than to know he's sexually desirable to you - that you want him like crazy. Guys chronically complain that they always have to initiate sex. When you take the lead, you're explicitly telling him that you love to spend time with him - it immediately eliminates the guesswork for your guy. What's more, when you approach him, you're in the driver's seat. Too many women let men call the sexual shots between the sheets. Being the initiator gives you an opportunity to set the tone and the pace.

Men have insecurities too. They may never tell anyone this, but they are secretly vulnerable. How does a woman help change the insecurity to confidence? Affirmation and compliments! To men, affirmation from their wives means everything! So, be explicit in letting your husband know what you enjoy. Men, love those kind of directions. It's affirming for a man to know that you think he's a great lover. When men receive regular and genuine positive attention and compliments from their wives, they tend to become much more secure and confident in all areas of their lives.

What part of a man most enjoys being stroked? Answer: His ego! Show your man that you really need him. Men, just like women, simply need to be wanted. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man's sense of feeling loved and desired. Plus, remember to compliment your spouse on being a great husband. It's a quick shortcut to making him feel wanted, needed and loved. And this positive reinforcement of your husband's good behaviour will yield big dividends later, as he subconsciously tries to live up to your glowing appraisal. Here's another secret: Pamper him sometimes. You can set a day to give him a massage, set up a hot bath, etc. What makes such royal treatment so romantic to a man is the way it reassures him that you appreciate him and that you're proud of him. Many women today don't realise how vulnerable men are and how much they need love too.

Men love passionate women. Men want to be desired and loved. Letting them know that you're passionate about them will turn them on every time and pave the way for great lovemaking. Women who are great lovers put energy in from start to finish. Plus, displaying tons of enthusiasm encourages your man to bring you to new heights. The more you get into it, the harder he'll work to please you.

Yes, it's true. The slightest touch from you can bring a man to his knees mid-sentence. In other words, let your fingers do the talking. Even those quick bicep rubs when your man gets back from the gym, or those errant shoulder squeezes, can send your man over the moon. While coffee is pretty good, your gentle peck is really the best part of waking up. It's as if out of the blue, you were so overcome by his breathtaking cuteness that you just had to give him a cuddle. And men adore your tender touch in the bedroom as well. Because contrary to popular belief, guys aren't just looking for fast-track orgasmic manoeuvres in the dark. They want and need intimacy, touch and passion too..

Once a couple has been together for a while, they often develop a sexual routine. It's not always a negative thing as it is usually mutually satisfying. So what's the problem? There could be a new technique that one or both of you like but haven't discovered yet. What to do? Mix things up a bit. If the bedroom is your primary lovemaking venue, why not steam things up in the shower? "And it's worth adding some variety to the old 'he does that, then you do this' choreography. Swap things around or throw a new position into the mix. Make sure monogamy and monotony don't become synonymous. The trick for a married couple is to maintain a degree of novelty, by providing variety in activity, location and type of stimulation. Many men find that experimenting with positions, styles and acts takes on a new importance as they age. They say that variation not only keeps them aroused, but it satisfies different cravings. Better sex isn't necessarily wilder sex, after all. There are things you can do to spice up sex once in a while.

When you openly tell him what you desire and what feels good, you instantly put yourself into an active role as opposed to a responsive one. Verbal feedback is crucial to your pleasure. It helps to develop your own sexual language. Some women can't talk dirty. And that's okay. You should try to find a new way to let your husband know what feels great in a way that's comfortable for you. It might be words, it might be moans, but figure out how to let him know you're loving every minute of it or at least which minutes you're loving.

By Michael Douglas