Well I went back this morning and reread my post from my separation. Just about bought me to tears, remembering how I felt then. The great news is after 3 years of being alone and honestly believing I was happy by myself, I met a wonderful woman and we are both happily in love. Not so happy however about the 200 miles in between us however! So a heartfelt thanks for everyones support and for every new person who comes here seeking help, you've done that yourself by just coming here and releasing your hurt, your sorrow and your pain. A wise man once told me "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time son, one bite at a time" And that's is what lies in front of you at the moment, a bloody big elephant (and no that isn't a euphimism for your ex partner) that you have to just take your time chipping away at. Before you know it, the elephant will be gone. And thanks Goatie, I think I will change my name to Happy. Good luck and heaaps of aroha to all those yet to post here xxxxxx

Frightened, I know what that's like. I am 2.5 years since separation and have also met a wonderful woman, and we too are happily in love. We do live in the same town, about 20 minutes walk apart. We share evening meals at either of our places and spend the weekends together. It works and the next step, living together, is scary because we both have fears of repeats of what happened to us in our past. Maybe it will happen one day as there are lots of benefits of living together.
Thanks for your story, the rest of you keep your hopes up, as Frightened says "one bite at a time".

I received an email today from someone who I haven't had contact with for well over two years.

Out of the blue her husband has left her and the kids. She had no inkling there was a problem with their relationship.

She wrote to me because she's in a new town (they'd just moved house) and says she's lonely and frightened. From memory I'd say she was in her late twenties or early thirties.

I have never met this woman. We just used to converse on an internet forum but I remember her as a nice person and someone who doted on her kids and husband.

She must be feeling terribly alone if she dug my email address out of the archives after all this time just so she could talk to someone.

I'm up north and she's at the other end of the island so it's not like I can just pop around and see her.

I have contacted the Sallies because she sounds so desperate. I'm waiting on a reply to see if they can help in any way. I'm sure they will be able to point her in the right direction as to what help she will be entitled to.

She was always in work so I'm assuming she is still employed. I don't know if WINZ or anyone will help her if she's on her own and working. Does anyone know?

I saw another thread, elsewhere, where someone has suggested a support group.

What a terrible thing to happen. Reading the advice in this thread has given me some ideas on what to suggest to her (but I won't do this until I hear back from the Sallies).

I have heard that counselling is available for free, through Dr referral. I think first three sessions are free. The counsellor helped a friend - you go a pour your heart out (which makes you feel better anyway - because your friends most likely dont know what to say whereas a counsellor is trained and has the answers) and they give you advice - one step at a time. Sometimes it is good to look deep inside and find a craft/hobby that you would like to learn. A lot of clubs, stamps, pottery, patchwork, woodwork, swimming, sailing, running, etc. are good ways of loosening up and meeting people, just to talk to. Pick something where people go on there own, like gardening, so you do not feel alone, and start from there. Above all, dont pour your heart out to everyone you meet. Have one or two friends that understand the situation and can pick you up. Good luck