I would love to know how others out there deal with family feuds. Feuding between my husband and son inlaw is getting ridicuous.It has got to the stage where neither is allowed in the others home. My husband not allowed anythng to do with Grandchild which means my Grandchild is never allowed in my home. Hes only a baby. Both men are pig headed and wont give in to the other or compromise. The ones that are suffering the most because of this are, myself, my daughter and her wee son.Any suggestions would be most welcome.

It's hard to know what to say as we don't know why the men are at loggerheads with each other but if it was me I'd tell my daughter to pack up the baby and a couple of bags and head off with her for a long weekend somewhere, leaving a note to each of the men to `sort it out or else'.

Have they always argued or has there been some recent friction that has caused the rift?

If the aforementioned failed I'd scream at my husband (calling him everything from a pig-dog to an elephant) then head over to my son-in-laws and do the same at him.

If nothing else you'd have got a lot off your chest!

Where does your daughter stand on this? Has she taken sides too?

Do you meet up with your daughter at all (say, at a cafe or park)?

That's another idea. I'd meet up with her and the baby and then go back and rabbit on to my husband about what a lovely day I'd had with your daughter and grandson.

Your daughter should do the same. Surely, then, the men would realise that the only ones missing out would be them!

My daughter and I are both trying to respect our own husbands wishes but it is difficult. I guess we are tip toeing around them which I know is crazy. Both men like to be control. Too much alike I think!! Thanks for the reply Going Grey. Not sure yet what I will do. Life really is too short for all this sort of thing. Its ridiculous.

Have you considered talking to someone, like a counsellor at the Salvation Army? They have good relationship counsellors.

Or how about contacting Ian Grant of `Parenting Inc' ... seeing as there is a child involved they might be able to suggest something?

Maybe just discussing the situation with someone who is trained in relationships will give you a different perspective on things or some ideas on how to handle the situation?

Promise Keepers New Zealand might be able to send some literature out to the men in your life?

If the four of you just keep avoiding each other I don't think it will get any better do you? I think outsiders need to intervene otherwise things will escalate.

Citizens Advice Bureau might be able to suggest something. Or your doctor. It's amazing what services the doctor can put you in touch with.

It can't be easy for you.

Know that I'm thinking of you and yours.

Yes. I have thought about talking to someone to get some advice or to help me make decisions around that. I will do that definitely. Thanks for your encouragement Going-Grey. Have heard of Promise Keepers as used to be involved with church years ago. I doubt that either man would consider this.One thing I have learnt over time is that you cant change others or make decisions for them but you can make changes for yourself. Its just a bit tuff accepting what the consequenes of that may be. Anyway this is getting way too serious. I will talk to someone. Thanks again. Probably meet up with you in chat sometime.

I feel for you Snooky, as I know from experience that when you get two strongwilled people, both on their high horses, there's no reasoning with them. Meanwhile, the rest of the family suffers.
Hopefully time will sort out your situation. Once that baby becomes a delightful little person, walking and talking, perhaps both men will realise how silly they're being. In the meantime, as others have said, continue your relationship with your daughter and grandchild, meeting and enjoying each other's company when you can. It's not being "disloyal" to her husband to let her child know his granny. Life is short; maybe love will win the day.

Thanks for your comments Kari. I take it all on board. Bubby is now 17 months old and an adorable wee boy. I can go to my daughters place no problem and my daughter is welcome at my place. The two men however will not allow the other in their homes. My grandson is not allowed in my home because son in law doesnt want my hubby to have contact with him. Hubby has offered to go out while they visit but son iN law says no way, doesnt trust him to stay away. CRUMBS..............................

Thanks to everyone for your comments. Just got to get on with it I know. Take one day at a time!