I have a friend who is in her late 20's or early 30's who husband has just left her.

She says there was no indication that there was trouble in the relationship and she's written to me asking me what to do.

She's in the Paraparaumu area.

I don't want to write back to her until I can offer her some concrete advice (on who she can approach).

Any ideas?

May I suggest that she contact the Widowed, Separated & Divorced Support Group Inc ( www.wsd.org.nz ) who run grief recovery courses in her area. Contact details are on the web site or she can call 04 2934865 for courses on the Kapiti Coast or 04 4995520 for Wellington/Hutt Valley courses.

Currently courses cost $80 (waged) or $40 (unwaged) which covers hire of venue, course manuals and materials, etc.

There is a printable brochure on the website.

If she is on the internet then she can connect with some good and free resources at http://www.midlifedivorcerecovery.com It is mainly for women who are older and have been in a long term marriage but I still think she will find some information there and support too that is helpful. Suzie who runs this site has some great resources that can be purchased as well. I have some of her material and personally found it great. There is also a New Zealand support group on Facebook that meet at various locations for coffee around New Zealand. Just for positive support and encouragement. Once again it is for older women but she will find support and answers there. "Divorce Recovery Group for Women in the 40+ age group" is the name of the Face Book group. There are younger women involved as well.
Yes there are grief recovery courses available but you need to pick them carefully as they can actually be detrimental to moving on. I hope that helps.

I agree some courses that are available only exist to advance a second agenda (often religious) which is not necessarily harmful but can be more diversionary than helping people to work through their grieving to the point where they are ready to move on into what is often a very new and different life.

WSD is a non-profit secular organisation which exists solely to provide information and support to anyone who has lost a partner, whatever their age and whatever the cause of their loss. Probably over 50% of the participants would be under 40. Many have children still at home and are dealing with custody issues as well as the grief.

Because it is specifically a support group, participants are encouraged to team up with others in similar circumstances so that they can provide ongoing support for each other. WSD can help launch the process but it is up to the individual to take what they need from it and apply it to their own lives.

Coffee circles, shared meals and family outings are all offered as a way of getting to know new people who have had or are having a similar experience. All coordinators and facilitators of the courses are people who have been either widowed or divorced themselves and can share their experience as well as demonstrate in a practical way how it is possible to recover from what for many is the most traumatic experience of their lives.

Thanks for sharing that. I'll certainly pass it on.

An inlaw approached these people and found they helped them alot.