Our aim is to be your guide to living life to the full. The keys to staying vital and active for longer are within our grasp! Read more...
Become a GrownUp and join our Community. Stay up to date with our weekly newsletter, discuss topics with other members, grab some great member-only offers and so much more.
Select the radio station you would like to listen to live.
Member since 28 Oct 2006
Member from Wanganui
Oh dear!!!! I'm a Sallie H.... Now that's a little disappointing!
Member since 01 Apr 2011
Member from Cockle Bay
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas Day is on a Friday this year."
Mick says, 'Lets hope it's not the 13th!'
Sign on a Septic Tank Truck.
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels".
Member since 18 Mar 2007
Member from Papakura
Hallelujah, we're healed....
GRANDMA AND GRANDPA WERE WATCHING A RELIGIOUS HEALING PROGRAM ON TV. THE EVANGELIST CALLED TO ALL WHO WANTED TO BE HEALED, TO PUT ONE HAND ON THE TV AND THE OTHER ON THE BODY PART THEY WANTED HEALED.
GRANDMA HOBBLED TO THE TV AND PUT ONE HAND ON THE TV AND THE OTHER ON HER ARTHRITIC HIP.
GRANDPA MADE HIS WAY TO THE SET AND PUT ONE HAND ON THE TV AND THE OTHER ON HIS CROTCH.
GRANDMA LOOKED AT HIM WITH DISGUST . "YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU OLD COOT......THE PURPOSE OF THIS PROGRAM IS TO HEAL THE SICK, NOT RAISE THE DEAD."
Member from Eltham
You have just dashed all of Mrs Bryan's dreams!!
*Phone rings, woman answers.*
The pervert, with heavy breathing, says,
"Have you got a tight unshaven t***?"
"Yes, he's watching television. Who shall I say is calling?"
Not only Mrs. Bryans ole horse.
I'll find something and post it.
Sign on Another Septic Tank Truck.
"Caution - this Truck is Full of Political Promises!"
MAKING IT STIFF!
Read it, Delete it,
But don't give
To make it Stand,
You Wet it !
To make it Wet,
You Suck it !
To make it Stiff,
You Lick it !
To Get It In,
You Push it!
Threading a Needle when you're AN OLD FART is a Bitch.
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Any way you want, concrete floors are hard to crack!!!
Member since 02 Nov 2006
Member from Linwood
Found this on my 50++ daughters face book page.
"Damn who put these games on here i need to sleep but im crashing planes on flight control letting zombies eat my brains on plants and zombies and trying to kill some poor beggar on the jungle one cos i keep sending him into the ocean or smashing his head off in tunnels..... oh but it is fun.... going to sleep now"
Hard to believe she is a grandma, but her Grandies love her to bits.
With Rodney Carrington and "Dear Penis"
To post a comment on this discussion please log in or register