Ooooooh I love the way you have described him.Never left NO room for doubt about his looks what-so-ever.

Bryan, your 7640, I can see her reasoning for D, day, and N, night,but what did she think R stood for ????????????????????

Frigid Midget with a''R 'igid digit

Post deleted at 25 Apr 2012 3:07pm by totara

Baptising an Irishman


A Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally
Drunk, when he comes upon a preacher
Baptising people in the river.


He proceeds to walk into the water and
Subsequently bumps into the preacher...

The preacher turns around and is almost
Overcome by the smell of alcohol,
Whereupon he asks the drunk,

'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'


So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.


He pulls him up and asks the drunk,

'Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him
Into the water again for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks
Again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No, oi I haven't
Found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end

And dunks the drunk inthe water again ---



But this time holds him down for about

30 seconds and when he begins kicking



his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher

Again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you
Found Jesus?'




(Are you ready for this????)
















The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his
breath and says to the preacher,

'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'

I had goosebumps this morning as we witnessed a flypast for Anzac Day.

Paddy and Mick find 3 hand grenades.
They decide to take them to the Police Station.
"What if one explodes on the way there?", says Paddy.
'We'll lie and say we only found two!'. replies Mick.

Chris #7646.

There was a similar one years ago when a fellow was having trouble starting his old V8 truck. The mechanic asked him are you sure you haven't run out of petrol? The old fellow said you think I'm silly? course there is petrol you look at the gauge. there it says "E" so I got "Enough" mechanic says if "E" is for "Enough" What's "F" for???????

I will leave it to you to work out!

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?". The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said......








"I would have gotten out today."

Two business men in the centre of Perth

were sitting down for a
break in their soon-to-be new shop...

As yet, the shop wasn't ready,
with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other,
"I bet any minute now some pensioner
is going to walk by,
put their face to the window,
and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth
when, sure enough,
a curious old woman walked to the window,
had a peek,
and in a soft voice asked,

"What are you selling here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically,
"We're selling arse-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old dear said,
“Must be doing well...
Only two left."

Good one Squirter. Senior not Senile

What Religion is Your Bra?



A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to the
woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.

'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'

'Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material imaginable.

'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras
to choose from.'

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic,Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?'

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded,'It is all really quite simple.'

The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.




Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD,
E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out
what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!


{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

Send this to all that will appreciate it!
They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen