Joke roundup

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

Another one was: Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’. ‘Is it common?’I asked. ‘It’s not unusual’ he replied.

Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.

‘A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for the road.” ‘

‘I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, “He’s trying to pull a fast one”. ‘

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

‘I went to the doctors the other day and I said, ‘Have you got anything for wind?’ So he gave me a kite. ‘