Looking For Love

Finding love is tricky at any age. Where does one meet Mr or Ms Right? Is it worth the bother? Is online the way to go? Am I too picky? Dr Dorree Lynn offers her advice to those who are ready to ‘put themselves out there.’ It takes bravery and a sense of adventure, but love is worth it.

It’s important to remember that dating at any age is often a numbers game. The more you date wisely, the better your chances of finding love. Many people stop themselves from trying, as the idea of dating seems worse than going to the dentist. True, it is a little like job-hunting with the added vulnerability of wearing your heart on your sleeve. But there is another way to look at it.

What an exciting adventure. You can learn so much about yourself as you kick start your experience and make new friends. Most people forget that at this very moment someone out there is looking for you. The attributes you had in youth have changed, as has your body and theirs. Don’t worry about your changed looks. Their lines and bodies have altered as well. All you have learned from added years of living are gifts you bring. Learn more about who you’ve become. The assets you bring took years to acquire. If a date is a dud, simply say “Thank you” for the education, leave quickly and politely and move on.

One of the best ways to meet people is to go out and do activities that interest you, not just go out to find a date. When you participate in activities that spark your passion, you will have a good time, feel good about yourself and become a more compassionate lover when you find your next partner.

I’m in favor of dating sites used wisely and well. Truth in advertising saves many a heartbreak and even more wasted time. Write an honest profile. Post a recent picture. Tell the other prospects about yourself and what you seek. Remember, you are on a shopping expedition. Don’t waste time on a profile that has obvious red flags, but on the other hand, be open to expecting the unexpected. If you only let your fingers do the talking, and you are not out among people, you’ve shut yourself off from accidentally meeting prince or princess charming. Being out and about is good for connection.

Here are some possibilities to get you started:
– Talk to married folks as well. They have single friends.
– Join a group activity that allows you to feel accomplished, or try something new such as a cooking class, golf, movie group or whatever might be listed on your city’s internet. Every area has a list of “meet-up” activities with access to all who are interested in the same things you are. Participate.
– Volunteer at a community center, hospital or nonprofit organisation to get out in the world. This gives you an opportunity to meet people who share your interests. It’s hard to avoid human contact when people are counting on you.
– Think of people from your past. It’s very common to re-connect with and even marry that high school or college sweetheart from so long ago. You once shared similar values and interests, you just might again.

Your insides and values are yours alone. While it might help to listen to what people you trust say to you, ultimately, your attitudes needs are yours alone. Learn what went awry in your prior relationships, change yourself, and then trust your instincts.

Just like going to the gym or something that may be good for you, but you may not really like, find a good friend or “dating buddy” to go places with. It’s important to agree on the rules before hand so that neither of you leave each other cold. Besides, it gives you someone to laugh and cry with when you you’ve had enough.

Finding a good match is a bit like the Three Bears story. Rarely does anything happen overnight. Sometimes the chair is too big or too small. It takes awhile to find one that feels just right. Or, at least is worth trying out for a while.

If dating gets exhausting, take a vacation from the task. And no matter what, keep notes. If you are out and about for a while, you just may forget who that person you went out with three months ago might be. Though dating can be fun. It helps to be somewhat methodical in your search.

As with any goal, there are downs and ups. Keep sane in your search and yes, friendship, chemistry and sex count. Just remember condoms do as well.
Have fun.