Forget your Sun Sign – What’s Your Sex Style?

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Most people make love the way they want to be made love to. They tend to forget that not only do they have their own lovemaking style, but no matter how often they've had sex with their partner, there's a good chance that it never occurred to them that their partner's style is probably quite different than their own. And, you don't need to be male and female partners to find this to be true. So, what do you do?

Start by being aware and of course communicating. Open communication (verbal or by touch) is the key to great sex. I've listed eight fairy common sex styles below. Do you fit into any of them? Does your partner? Maybe each you has more than one style?

Start by thinking about which ones are predominantly yours and your partners. In my next article, I'll tell you more about how to have fun and intimacy getting know how to enjoy them all. And even more important, how to think about what parts of sex you love the most. As long as sex is between two consenting adults, there's no wrong answer. As with life, there's pluses and minuses to it all. Enjoy yourselves, experiment and play.

Eight Sex Styles to Think About and To Do:

Angry Sex

You make love even when you’re ticked off at each other, or maybe right after a big blowup. This sex style can be healing, as long as you make sure that your problems are eventually talked about and resolved.

Potential blind spot: When do you get a chance to make love without war first?

Lusty Sex

This style can be full of wicked and flirty looks at each other, a passionate kiss in the grocery store when no one is looking, an unexpected quickie, and the joy of having sex just for the sake of sex.

Potential blind spot: Lusty sex alone sometimes becomes a way to avoid emotional intimacy and vulnerability.

Tender Sex

You love gentle, romantic, healing sex that may involve soothing massage, light touches, candlelight, soft music, sharing secrets, and ministering to each another.

Potential blind spot: Where’s the heat?

Fantasy Sex

Your adventuresome spirit is to be envied by many. Role-playing, costumes, fetishes, images (alone or shared) provide saucy spice.

Potential blind spot: Make sure your real lover remains in the picture.

Comfort Sex

Just another ho-hum, tired-at-the-end-of-the-day roll in the hay. You snuggle next to each other, some caressing starts, maybe there’s intercourse, maybe not. You feel connected and relaxed before falling asleep.

Potential blind spot: Comfort patterns are easy to get into and difficult to leave. Keep some reserve energy for times of desire and passion.

Accommodating Sex

He/she wants sex and you go along. You’re not that into it at first, but can lie back (or just relax) and enjoy it if your partner initiates and does most of the “work.” Sometimes, pleasing a horny partner is generous.

Potential blind spot: Could become a habit unless you make sure the favour is returned and you still have times of mutual passion.

Wild-Side Sex

You go for new sex toys, whips, chains, ceiling hooks, films, pornography, and erotic books.

Potential blind spot: Make sure your body can twist like a pretzel, and ask yourself if you still have desire even without all the extra bells and whistles.

Tantric or Kama Sutra Sex

You both breathe deeply and mutually expand your sexual (and possibly even spiritual) experiences by focusing on the process rather than only on the end goal.

Potential blind spot: Are you gaining a new, passionate experience or losing your fire? Take a pass on the self-criticism if this kind of sex turns out not to be your thing.

By the way, Tantric may be the least known and take the most practice, but it's been around for centuries and proponents claim they wouldn't make love any other way. As East meets West, more couples are practicing it, or at least trying to. Keep reading this column. I'll tell you more.

Of course, all questions and comments are welcome.

Article by Dr Dorree Lynn