When the man of your life stops talking to you

“My husband won’t talk to me.” Whenever a woman says this it’s accompanied by feelings of anger, resentment and deep frustration. You start to wonder if your marriage will ever change and you grow to feel even more emotionally separated from your spouse. If your husband keeps his feelings to himself and only engages in idle chit chat with you, that’s a recipe for marital disaster. You have to change the dynamic of your marriage now before it’s so far down the road to disaster that nothing can save it.

You need to do some searching within yourself to determine why your husband won’t talk to you. What often happens in a marriage is the couple faces constant confrontation when they try to engage in a conversation regarding their relationship. The wife will sometimes have the upper hand because women frequently have better communication skills. This can leave a man feeling attacked and unprepared to discuss issues like emotions. Instead of trying again and again he shuts down and does whatever it takes to avoid those kinds of conversations.

If you are intent on getting him to open up to you again, be persistent. You need to be very subtle with how you approach this though. Pushing your husband to talk to you about what he’s feeling will only result in the same thing that’s been happening. He’ll talk less and less to you.

Instead, spend more time with him without focusing on talking about your feelings. Go out and do the things you both enjoy. You’ll find it beneficial if you two actually date one another again. This may seem a bit silly if you and your husband have been married for some time, but it has so much value in it. It allows you two to reconnect on a very basic level again, away from the house and the children.

If your husband feels he can communicate with you his resistance to share what he’s feeling will start to disappear. Once he does begin to open up to you again, don’t get defensive. Try and be understanding and listen carefully to what he shares with you. It will help you to fully understand his needs and it will draw you two closer together than you’ve ever been before. You want to ensure that he feels safe and comfortable letting you know how he feels. If he does he’ll be certain to keep the lines of communication open in the future.

By Dr Gillian Reynolds