By Mike Milstein
Jenny Beeson believes in being in the moment rather than rehashing the past or worrying about the future. Perhaps that is because she has already lived three lives. She was born in the Midlands of England, where she lived until her early-twenties. She then immigrated to New Zealand in 1975, creating a relationship, bearing children, and separating. Finally, after building a new relationship for several years in Wellington she and her partner moved to Nelson three years ago.
Jenny is an active, outdoors person. As a youngster she treasured her country walks with her father. “A Sunday afternoon walk with dad was a very common occurrence. It was a chance to get out on a bridle path, which was great. It didn’t matter if it was warm and sunny, frosty and cold, or rainy. They were great times. It was not a talking times or an intellectual exchange. It was just being in nature.”
“I’ve always felt that I had to be outside. It fulfills a need. I’ve always been active, especially since I was teaching. You just drag 30 kids outside. Teachers don’t sit down very much. Having children is also a really demanding physical experience. You take them walking, throw them in a pack, or whatever. Really, I don’t see myself much different from when I was a child, as a teenager, or now in middle age.”
Jenny realizes that there are barriers to the good life. For example, “breaking-up a long term relationship is a crisis, but like all crises it can be a barrier or an opportunity to change.”
“I visited my mother in the UK last year. It was interesting to see her coming up against barriers and see how she deals with them. Dad died about 20 years ago. They had a fabulous relationship, but I got the feeling there were areas of herself she hadn’t explored. She was open to exploring them, but that came after dad died. It was good to see and witness. The loss of her partner could have been a closing, the end of one’s own life, but she has been making it an opening. She’s nearly 82, which is no longer an ancient age. We need to be open to exploring life when we lose loved ones.”
Most important, living well is about staying healthy. Jenny is in her fifties and her partner just turned seventy. She reflects about this. “My partner doesn’t let age dictate his behaviour. We’re very lucky because both of us have very good health. It isn’t about the years one has lived. It’s about the stage of decomposition we are in. One can be 92 or 19. If your health isn’t good that’s the issue.”
How has Jenny navigated life? In part “other people influence us. We don’t always realize who they are. We may not even have a strong relationship with them. It may be something someone has said at just the right moment. I’ve also had mentors who have consciously looked at me from the outside, giving me advice and suggestions, helping me chose one route or another when I’m undecided. But in the end, the things we respond to are the things that we innately know are right for us, what we resonate to when we listen to others. We have to listen to ourselves to try to find out what is true. I’m a feeling person. Does it feel right? It’s about trust in oneself.”
Jenny doesn’t think too much about what life will be like in the future. “It’s really about trying to be present now. Do what feels right now and trust that it will lead you in the right directions for the future.” In fact, Jennie’s advice to others at any age is to be really present with yourself and not spend too much time contemplating the future because it never really comes the way you anticipate it will anyway.
Note: This article was published in The Leader, Nelson, NZ, on March 20, 2008. It summarizes an interview aired on Nelson’s Fresh FM that was conducted by Annie Henry for the Conscious Ageing Network (CAN) and sponsored by Age Concern, Nelson. If you want to share your thoughts with CAN or wish to know when interviews will be aired, send an email to agewell@xtra.co.nz .
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