What to do when your partners health becomes too much to handle

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In life there is only one constant: change. Our relationships are not immune from change either. Things can happen to our loved ones which put a lot of pressure on us, when it comes to looking after and caring for them.  Health changes can be dramatic, like accidents that put them in a wheelchair, or slow such as Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s Disease. To reduce your own personal stress response to these changes, there are six things you can do.

  1. Don’t Pretend That Nothing Has Changed: things have changed, and they are never going to be the same again. While acceptance is hard, life feels easier when it occurs. Give yourself time to cry, get angry, get frustrated – it’s ok!
  2. Maintain Balance in Your Relationship – the needs and wants of both of you are important. Listen to each other and work out a plan together of how you will manage the issues from now on.
  3. Try Not to Become Isolated: it’s important that you stay connected to the outside world. Share what’s happening in your lives with trusted friends or health professionals. You’ll often find there are other people who are dealing with similar situations, so you can support each other.
  4. Don’t Neglect Your Own Health: pay attention to your own health and body. It’s not going to help anyone if your own health is failing or your body is being overwhelmed with the stress of caring for your partner. To ensure you can care for your partner, you must look after yourself too.
  5. Ask for Help: if it’s getting too much for you to handle, there is nothing wrong with asking for help from friends, family, nurses and care workers. You shouldn’t be expected to do everything. There are many services available from both the private and public health system which can help. If you are not sure what you can get help with, or need extra support getting that help, chat with an advocate.
  6. Self-Care: it’s important that you still find time to do things that you enjoy, such as catching up with friends for coffee or playing sport. Just because your partner can’t do everything they used to, is no reason why you can’t continue to enjoy the activities you like to participate in.

It’s vital that you and your partner surround yourself with support to manage these health changes. A chat with your GP is a good place to start, or you could give your local Citizen’s Advice Bureau a call to ask them to point you in the right direction.