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Daily Haha Thread – add yours

This topic contains 12513 replies, has 234 voices, and was last updated by  supergold 3 days, 18 hours ago.

Discussions Jokes Daily Haha Thread – add yours

Viewing 4 posts - 12,511 through 12,514 (of 12,514 total)
  • #1745478
    totara
    Member
    Member since: November 29, 2007
    Topics: 12
    Replies: 575
    totara
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    #1745655
    supergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 65
    Replies: 9176
    supergold

    You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.

    Here are some examples:

    FREEZER BAGS:
    They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

    PHOTOCOPIERS:
    These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

    TYRES:
    Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

    HOT AIR BALLOONS:
    Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

    SPONGES:
    These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

    WEB PAGES:
    Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

    TRAINS:
    Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

    EGG TIMERS:
    Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

    HAMMERS:
    Male, because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

    THE REMOTE CONTROL:
    Female. Ha! You might have thought it’d be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    #1745656
    supergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 65
    Replies: 9176
    supergold

    One night 4 college students were partying until late and did not study for a test which was scheduled for the next day.
    In the morning, they thought of a plan.
    They made themselves look as dirty as possible, with grease and dirt.
    They then went to the teacher and said that they had gone to a wedding last night and on their return, a tyre burst on their car and they had to push the car all the way back home and that they were in no condition to do the test.
    The teacher kindly allowed them to do a re-test after 3 days.
    They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.

    On the third day, they went for their test.
    The teacher said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms.
    They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days…

    The test consisted of 1 single question, worth a total of 100 Marks……..

    Q. 1. Which tyre?

    a) Front Left
    b) Front Right
    c) Back Left
    d) Back Right

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    #1745781
    supergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 65
    Replies: 9176
    supergold

    All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

    “I should be in charge,” said the brain, “Because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”

    “I should be in charge,” said the blood, “Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you’d all waste away.”

    “I should be in charge,” said the stomach,” Because I process food and give all of you energy.”

    “I should be in charge,” said the legs, “because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.”

    “I should be in charge,” said the eyes, “Because I allow the body to see where it goes.”

    “I should be in charge,” said the rectum, “Because I’m responsible for waste removal.”
    All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him. So in a huff, he shut down tight.

    Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache
    The stomach was bloated
    The legs got wobbly
    The eyes got watery
    And the blood was toxic.

    They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

    The Moral of the story?
    Even though the others do all the work…
    The ass hole is usually in charge.

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

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