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Daily Haha Thread – add yours

This topic contains 12502 replies, has 234 voices, and was last updated by  supergold 6 days, 5 hours ago.

Discussions Jokes Daily Haha Thread – add yours

Viewing 3 posts - 12,501 through 12,503 (of 12,503 total)
  • #1737696
    supergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 65
    Replies: 9101
    supergold

    My neighbour was working in his garden when he was startled by a new car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up on his front lawn.

    He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a garden chair.

    He said with excitement, “you appear quite elderly to be driving.”
    “Well, yes, I am,” she replied proudly. “I’ll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don’t even need a driver’s licence anymore.

    “The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver’s licence. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the licence into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying,
    ” ‘You won’t need this anymore’, so I thanked him and left!”

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    #1738483
    bruce139151
    Member
    Member since: March 20, 2018
    Topics: 0
    Replies: 94
    bruce139151

    The Welfare Office

    A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

    ‘WOW,’ the social worker exclaims, ‘are they all yours?”

    ‘Yep, they are all mine,’ the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

    She says, ‘Sit down Leroy’ All the children rush to find seats.

    ‘Well,’ says the social worker, ‘then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.’

    ‘Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named Leroy and the girls are all named Leighroy.’

    In disbelief, the case worker says, ‘Are you serious? They’re ALL named Leroy?’

    Their momma replied, ‘Well, yes-it makes it easier.

    When it’s time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, ‘Leroy!’ An’ when it’s time for dinner,

    I just yell ‘Leroy!’ An they all comes a runnin.

    An’ if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell Leroy’ and all of them stop.

    It’s the smartest idea I ever had, namin’ them all Leroy.’

    The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively,

    ‘But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?’

    ‘Then I call them by their last names.’

    #1738589
    supergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 65
    Replies: 9101
    supergold

    One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’

    The florist was pleased and left the shop.

    When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

    Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop.

    The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

    Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop.

    The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

    And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

    If you don’t forward this you have no sense of humour.

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

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