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Daily Haha Thread – add yours

This topic contains 12499 replies, has 234 voices, and was last updated by  supergold > 7 days ago.

Discussions Jokes Daily Haha Thread – add yours

Viewing 10 posts - 12,491 through 12,500 (of 12,500 total)
  • #1734032
    supergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 65
    Replies: 9087
    supergold

    Hilarious Totara and Bruce. Thank you for the laughs.

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    #1734035
    bruce139151
    Member
    Member since: March 20, 2018
    Topics: 0
    Replies: 90
    bruce139151
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    #1734112
    supergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 65
    Replies: 9087
    supergold

    4495703040

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

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    #1734210
    supergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 65
    Replies: 9087
    supergold

    89854965760

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

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    #1734433
    supergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 65
    Replies: 9087
    supergold

    Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched as they checked her meter.

    Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a footrace down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came tearing up to the truck, they realized the lady of that end house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped immediately and asked her what was wrong.

    “When I saw two gasmen running as hard as you were,” gasped the woman, “I figured I’d better run too!”

     

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    #1734494
    JimM
    Member
    Member since: August 30, 2009
    Topics: 0
    Replies: 3
    JimM

    😎

    #1734990
    vale019
    Member
    Member since: August 20, 2012
    Topics: 9
    Replies: 26228
    vale019

    Sorry about that- jpg won’t upload for some reason unknown to me 😥 😥  – under 4mb so I am at a loss 😥

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  vale019.
    #1735044
    supergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 65
    Replies: 9087
    supergold

    Poor Val. Same thing happened to both Kai and in Thought for Today. 😥

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    #1735045
    supergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 65
    Replies: 9087
    supergold

    On his death bed, Bob Hope was asked where he would like to be buried. His answer, “Surprise me.”

    I HOPE THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART.
    This is a tribute to a man who DID make a difference.

    ON TURNING 70
    ‘I still chase women, but only downhill.’

    ON TURNING 80
    ‘That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.’

    ON TURNING 90
    ‘You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.’

    ON TURNING 100
    ‘I don’t feel old. In fact, I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.’

    ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
    ‘I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.’

    ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
    ‘Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it’s called at my home, ‘Passover.’

    ON GOLF
    ‘Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.’

    ON PRESIDENTS
    ‘I have performed for 12 presidents but entertained only six.’

    ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR
    HIS CAREER
    ‘When I was born, the doctor said to my mother,
    Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.’

    ON RECEIVING THE
    CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
    ‘I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.’

    ON HIS FAMILY’S EARLY POVERTY
    ‘Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.’

    ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
    ‘That’s how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.’

    ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
    ‘I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.’

    ON GOING TO HEAVEN
    ‘I’ve done benefits for ALL religions.
    I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.’

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    • This reply was modified 4 weeks, 1 day ago by  supergold. Reason: Couldn't load pics of Bob Hope all well under 4 mb
    #1735138
    supergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 65
    Replies: 9087
    supergold

    A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man’s car.

    Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them was hurt.

    After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; “Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

    The man replied,” I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”

    The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of 75 year old scotch didn’t break. Surely God meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune.” Then she handed the bottle to the man.

    The man nods his head in agreement, opened it, drank half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.

    The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

    She replies, “Nah. I think I’ll just wait for the police.”

    Some years ago Adam ate the apple.

    Men will never learn!

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

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