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Daily Haha Thread – add yours

This topic contains 12347 replies, has 232 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of lilith7 lilith7 20 hours, 53 minutes ago.

Discussions Jokes Daily Haha Thread – add yours

Viewing 10 posts - 12,121 through 12,130 (of 12,348 total)
  • #1687579
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    Anonymous

    I hear that all new models from BMW will be produced without indicators. Research has found that BMW drivers don’t use them.

    #1687710
    Profile photo of supergoldsupergold
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    supergold

    BMW will be produced without indicators

    Short, sweet and so funny!  😆   😆  Thanks for the laugh, Slowjoeme.

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    #1687711
    Profile photo of supergoldsupergold
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    supergold

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    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

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    #1687857
    Profile photo of supergoldsupergold
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    supergold

    The Real Theory Of Creation

    On the first day, ‘God’ created the dog and said: ‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’
    The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?’
    So God agreed.

    On the second day, God created the monkey and said: ‘Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.’
    The monkey said: ‘Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?’
    And God agreed.

    On the third day, God created the cow and said: ‘You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.’
    The cow said: ‘That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?’
    And God agreed again.

    On the fourth day, God created man and said: ‘Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.’
    But man said: ‘Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?’

    ‘Okay,’ said God, ‘You asked for it.’

    So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.  For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

    Life has now been explained to you.

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    #1687858
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    Anonymous

    If you meow back at your cat she will think ”Table?’ ‘Bed?’ ‘Door”? What’s wrong with this guy? and walk away.
    If you bark back at your dog he will think “Table?’ ‘Bed?’ ‘Door?’ Wow! my man speaks Dog language! and be all over you.

    #1687887
    Profile photo of supergoldsupergold
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    supergold

    😆  😆  Love that SJM. Cats think we are their maid and dogs see us as their friend/family.  😆

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    #1687999
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    Anonymous

    A young man went into Whitcoulls, walked up to the assistant and said
    “Do you keep stationary?”
    “Well” she said “Normally I do, but sometimes I wriggle a bit.”

    Ted asked his little boy what he wanted for Christmas.
    “I wanna watch” said the little chap.
    So they let him.

    Two guys arguing in a pub, one turned to a bystander and said
    “We’re having an argument here, how do you pronounce the name of the big island that’s the 50th state of the USA?”
    “Havaii” said the bystander.
    “Thank you” said the man
    “You’re Velcome” said the bystander.

    #1688014
    Profile photo of supergoldsupergold
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    supergold

    😆  😆  good one SJM keep on digging out those jokes so we can all enjoy them.  😀

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    • This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by Profile photo of supergold supergold.
    #1688035
    Profile photo of supergoldsupergold
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    supergold

    MIDDLE AGE TEXTING CODES:

    ATD -at the doctor.

    BFF -best friend fell.

    BTW -bring the wheelchair.

    BYOT -bring your own teeth.

    FWIW -forgot where I was.

    GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low.

    GHA -got heartburn again.

    IMHO -is my hearing aid on?

    LMDO -laughing my dentures out.

    OMMR -on my massage recliner.

    ROFLACGU -rolling on floor laughing and can’t get up.

    TTYL -talk to you louder!

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    #1688080
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    Anonymous

    TYFThat.

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