- #1667509gabyoneMemberMember since: November 13, 2008
Replies: 2483gabyone February 13, 2018 at 8:30 am
😛 😛 😛 Love this thread !!!!
Gabyone Auckland region#1667517BryanMemberMember since: October 28, 2006
Replies: 12164Bryan February 13, 2018 at 9:37 am
You don’t have that on your own SG! 😀 😀
At Home, At Peace and Causing Trouble In South Taranaki#1667538lilith7MemberMember since: April 9, 2017
Replies: 1276lilith7 February 13, 2018 at 11:04 am
Charlie Drake, my boomerang won’t come back.#1667834supergold February 14, 2018 at 12:15 pm
The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, ”You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.”
The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, ”And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock ‘n
roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the
”Thank you, Father,” answered the young priest. ”I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.”
”All of these ideas have been well and good,” said the elderly priest,
”But I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.”
”But, Father,” protested the young priest, ”my confessions and the
donations have nearly doubled since I began that!”
”Yes,” replied the elderly priest, ”and I appreciate that. But the
flashing neon sign, “Toot ‘n Tell or Go to Hell’ cannot stay on the church
Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)#1668209lilith7MemberMember since: April 9, 2017
Replies: 1276lilith7 February 16, 2018 at 11:35 am
Sam and John were out cutting wood when John cut his arm off. Sam remained calm, wrapped the arm in a plastic bag, and took the arm and John to a surgeon. “You are in luck,” said the surgeon. “I am an expert in re-attaching limbs. Come back in four hours when I have completed the operation.”
So Sam returned in four hours and the surgeon said, “I did it faster than I expected. Jon is down at the pub.” Sam rushed down to the pub and was amazed to see John playing darts.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again when John accidentally cut off his leg. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the same surgeon. “Legs are harder,” said the surgeon, “but I’ll see what I can do – come back in six hours.”
Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, “I finished early – John’s playing football.” Sam went to the field and to his surprise found John kicking 50 meter torpedoes.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again, when John accidentally cut off his own head. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon, confident that the skilful surgeon would do the job.
“Gee, heads are really difficult to re-attach,” the surgeon muttered, “but I’ll see what I can do – come back in 12 hours.”
Sam returned in 12 hours. “How did it go, Doc?” he asked. “I’m sorry. John died,” the surgeon replied.
“He suffocated in the plastic bag, you idiot!!”
Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.
- Why do the French like to eat snails so much?
A. They can’t stand fast food.
The only animal you eat before they exist and after they are dead.
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
An insect that makes you like flies better.
A grape with a sunburn.
A story you tell to one person at a time.
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
The pain that drives you to extraction.
One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
An honest opinion openly expressed.
Something other people have similar to my character lines.#1668233supergold February 16, 2018 at 3:12 pm
😆 😆 😆 😆 Lots of giggles there Lilith7 😆 😆
Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)#1668237supergold February 16, 2018 at 3:16 pm
The Aisle, the Altar, the Hymn
Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery:
Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get
married, begin the quest to change their behaviour and life-style once
their vows are exchanged?
Finally, the riddle is solved.
A social-scientist has arrived at this simple and logical explanation.
When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down
the long aisle, she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir
singing a hymn. Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process starts
where the brain absorbs these three stimuli:
Aisle, altar, and hymn.
She becomes mesmerized as she continually reinforces these
Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn.
And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is
complete. She looks up at him smiling sweetly and keeps saying to herself:
‘I’ll alter him!’
HERE ENDETH THE LESSON
Attachments:You must be logged in to view attached files.#1668244vale019MemberMember since: August 20, 2012
Replies: 15338vale019 February 16, 2018 at 4:30 pm
hahahaha – all so funny. Very entertaining, thank you everyone#1668306supergold February 17, 2018 at 9:18 am
Some important information that the public needs to know right now.
DO NOT WASH YOUR HAIR IN THE SHOWER (OR THE TUB)
DO NOT wash your hair in the shower!
It’s so good to finally get a health warning that is useful.
IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY…. WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT.
WARNING TO US ALL!!!
Shampoo Warning! I don’t know WHY I didn’t figure this out sooner!
I use shampoo in the shower!
When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning,
“FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME.”
No wonder I have been gaining weight! Well!
I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dishwashing Soap. It’s label reads, “DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.”
If I don’t answer the phone, I’ll be in the shower!
Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)#1668310BryanMemberMember since: October 28, 2006
Replies: 12164Bryan February 17, 2018 at 9:47 am
That was very well put! Now for a True one.
Nearly 67 years ago I was studying in the Sick Bay on the RNZNVR HQ in Wellington when the Duty Doctor (A Surgeon Captain which is a Senior rank in the RNZN) came in for something as I was getting married in a weeks time I asked him if he had any advise to give a young fellow soon to be married. I still remember his reply. “NEVER marry someone for what you want them to be! Marry someone for what they are now. Because if you have to change them then they’re NOT what you want!”
HERE ENDETH THE SECOND LESSON
At Home, At Peace and Causing Trouble In South Taranaki
- Why do the French like to eat snails so much?
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