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Daily Haha Thread – add yours

This topic contains 12036 replies, has 226 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of lilith7 lilith7 18 hours, 28 minutes ago.

Discussions Jokes Daily Haha Thread – add yours

Viewing 10 posts - 11,771 through 11,780 (of 12,037 total)
  • #1663299
    Profile photo of bobbitybobbity
    Member
    Member since: September 14, 2006
    Topics: 38
    Replies: 7438
    bobbity

    😆 Good blonde joke SG. Coming from a blonde it’s even better  😆

    I love all GUppies
    ♫♪✿(◠‿◠)✿♥♫♪

    #1663449
    Profile photo of supergoldsupergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 63
    Replies: 8046
    supergold

    Critical Thinking At Its Best!….

    Woman: Do you drink beer?
    Man: yes

    Woman: How many beers a day?
    Man: Usually about 3

    Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
    Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

    (This is where it gets scary !)

    Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
    Man: About 20 years, I suppose

    Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?
    Man: Correct

    Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
    Man: Correct

    Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
    Man: Do you drink beer?

    Woman: No
    Man: Where’s your Ferrari?

    😳

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    #1663452
    Profile photo of vale019vale019
    Member
    Member since: August 20, 2012
    Topics: 8
    Replies: 15338
    vale019

    Great entertainment everyone – I agree, a great way to start the day 🙂

    #1663460
    Profile photo of vale019vale019
    Member
    Member since: August 20, 2012
    Topics: 8
    Replies: 15338
    vale019

    The Mechanic and The Cardiologist

    A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor
    of a LS460 when he spotted a well known cardiologist in his shop.

    The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come
    and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the
    garage, “Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?”

    The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working.

    The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new.

    So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7M, when you and I are doing basically the same work?”

    The cardiologist paused, leaned over,
    and then whispered to the mechanic…….

    :
    :
    :
    :
    ;

    “Try doing it with the engine running.”

     

    #1663483
    Profile photo of lilith7lilith7
    Member
    Member since: April 9, 2017
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 1276
    lilith7

    Fascinating Aida

    Cheap flights

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAg0lUYHHFc

    #1663490
    Profile photo of vale019vale019
    Member
    Member since: August 20, 2012
    Topics: 8
    Replies: 15338
    vale019

    Lilith
    ATT000254-4                face-4

    Attachments:
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    #1663545
    Profile photo of supergoldsupergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 63
    Replies: 8046
    supergold

    Hilarious lilith7 and so very true!  😆   😆

    Love your response Val. 😆

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    #1663546
    Profile photo of supergoldsupergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 63
    Replies: 8046
    supergold

     

    Oh to be a fly on the wall of some of these Tech Support/Help Desk offices. Here are some absolute beauties…..

    Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
    Female customer: A white one…

    ===============

    Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can’t get my diskette out.
    Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
    Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
    Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
    Customer: No , wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….

    ===============

    Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
    Customer: Your left or my left?

    ===============

    Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
    Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
    Tech support: Would you click on ‘start’ for me and…
    Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.

    ===============

    Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print.
    Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’.
    I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor,
    but the computer still says he can’t find it…

    ============== =

    Customer: I have problems printing in red…
    Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
    Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.

    ===============

    Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
    Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.

    ===============

    Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
    Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
    Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
    Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
    Customer:! OK
    Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
    Customer: Yes
    Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
    Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work…

    ===============

    Tech support: Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in apple,
    a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
    Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?

    == =============

    Customer: Can’t get on the Internet.
    Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
    Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
    Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
    Customer: Five stars.

    ===============

    Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
    Customer: Netscape.
    Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
    Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.

    ===============

    Customer: I have a huge problem.
    A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer,
    but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

    ===============

    Tech support: How may I help you?
    Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
    Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
    Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address,
    but how do I get the little circle around it?

    ===============

    A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
    Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?
    Customer: ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
    The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window,
    and his printer is working fine.’

    ===============

    And last, but not least…

    Tech support: ‘Okay Colin, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time.
    That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
    Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.’
    Customer: I don’t have a P.
    Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
    Customer: What do you mean?
    Tech support: ‘P’… on your keyboard, Colin.
    Customer: I’M CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

     

     

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

    #1663562
    Profile photo of lilith7lilith7
    Member
    Member since: April 9, 2017
    Topics: 2
    Replies: 1276
    lilith7

    There’s another of theirs; (the language is a bit stronger) apologising to Scotland for brexit.

     

     

     

    Fascinating Aida

    We’re so sorry Scotland.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVy7faNKEtM

     

     

    #1663675
    Profile photo of supergoldsupergold
    Member
    Member since: May 9, 2009
    Topics: 63
    Replies: 8046
    supergold

    THE PERFECT HUSBAND

    Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

    MAN: “Hello”

    WOMAN: “Hi darling, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
    MAN: “Yes.”

    WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only £1,000; is it OK if I buy it?”
    MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

    WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Ford showroom and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.”
    MAN: “How much?”

    WOMAN: “£37,000.”
    MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

    WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Jane and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking £570,000 for it.”
    MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of £550,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra twenty-thousand if it’s what you really want.”

    WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
    MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”

    The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
    He turns and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

    Supergold-Wainuiomata (Wellington)

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