BLOG: Mark McCarron

TUESDAY 29 JUNE  

There are lots of things a person has to worry about if they go to prison. They have to make sure they don’t drop the soap in the shower, be careful to not make eye contact with the psychopaths, don’t become a target for hate groups and don’t talk back to the screws. All of those things are dangerous to your well being...but according to Judith Collins – not as bad as passive smoking. Can you believe it...the Government is going to ban smoking cigarettes in prison. The criminal fraternity must be laughing into their bandanas.  Not only will it be almost impossible to banish tobacco from our jails (think marijuana), but the authorities have unwittingly upped the price of cigarettes as a currency - inside.  Not to mention the problem of making thousands of already agitated inmates go cold turkey, as if being a prison guard wasn’t challenging enough already.
So, to re-cap...we’re concerning ourselves with the health of people that weren’t concerned with our wellbeing in the first place...whilst continuing to make cigarettes available to our best and brightest on the outside. Am I missing anything here?

MONDAY 18 MAY 

Capitalism’s latest reason to keep consuming… 3D television!! You can see it right now (no pun intended), thousands of families, sitting, watching the goggle box – wearing goggles. And it’s for that reason that I will not be getting one. Apart from looking like a twat – the glasses give me a headache. It can’t be good for you and it isn’t. In fact, developers of 3D TV are warning parents to not let children watch 3D for long periods as it can hinder development of the neural pathways. Now you don’t see that in the brochures! 

You see, 3D tricks the human senses into believing they’re watching a three dimensional image. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but anything that tricks the senses is either illegal or there are strict rules regarding consumption – I’m thinking drugs and alcohol. Does it follow that 3D TV will be addictive? Probably. Will it be dangerous to watch for long periods? Possibly. Until someone invents a 3D holographic image that beams directly to my coffee table that I can watch with the eyes nature gave me – I’m not interested. Till then my Panasonic 32 inch TV set that weighs more than most small cars will suffice.

WEDNESDAY 28 APRIL

Two weeks ago I lost a good friend. His name was Andy Nathan and he died of diabetes complications. You might’ve seen the funeral, it was featured on TV One’s Closeup or you could’ve read about it in the paper.  You might be wondering if Andy was a famous person, no not famous in the normal sense of the word, but he was famous for being a unique individual. You see Andy had an outlook on life that was not the ‘norm’. I’d known him for 16 years and during that time I’d never seen him get angry and he never said a bad word about anyone...isn’t it a shame that is not the ‘norm’.  He refused to let diabetes dictate his lifestyle so he lived literally like there was no tomorrow...he was completely ‘in the moment’. Andy knew his actions would lead to an early death but was not concerned. Unbeknown to his friends he’d organised his own funeral and written his own death notice...he knew that his time was almost up but laughed till the end. A lot of us walk through our working lives ‘asleep’ waiting to enjoy the weekend, if my close friend taught me anything, it is to enjoy ‘now’ no matter what you’re doing.  Because life is now....not tomorrow. 

MONDAY 29 MARCH  

What a shame Auckland didn’t go ahead with the stadium on the waterfront! Instead they’ve almost finished revamping Eden Park, which is ahead of schedule and possibly on budget. I say it’s a shame because you only have to look at recent sporting displays at Wellington’s ‘Caketin’ to realise the difference a destination on the docks would make to the ‘City of Sails’. The capital puts on a show and fans turn up…the Wellington Sevens is now THE tournament on the Sevens circuit and it’s no coincidence it happened post Athletic Park. I believe Auckland has missed a chance to join the party....yes it would have cost more but it would’ve given residents and visitors pride and excitement in the long term. You see when you plan something on a large scale, it should be visionary, groundbreaking - dare I say fantastic. Instead we’ll have a new stand at Eden Park which we’ll still struggle to get everyone into on time, for the start of the World Cup final…they’ll be stuck in traffic, trains or queues. World class stadiums are jaw dropping in their beauty whether they’re full or empty e.g. Millenium Stadium, Cardiff... San Siro, Italy… Homebush, Sydney… Twickenham, London. All are iconic structures that people flock to for an experience. New Zealand has one stadium that delivers…Westpac Stadium, Wellington waterfront. The only problem is - the World Cup final is in Auckland. 
  

WEDNESDAY 24 MARCH  

To mine or not to mine, that is the question the Government are struggling with at the moment. Not surprisingly they are encountering a mountain of flack from all quarters because it’s such an emotive issue. New Zealanders pride themselves on living in a pristine environment, even though that environment isn’t so pristine anymore. Just ask people living in intensive dairying areas, when was the last time they swam in their local river at the height of summer?!

I don’t have a firm view yet, on whether or not we should ‘go for gold’ in the Coromandel – as I don’t have all the facts. But some things I am aware of are: As a country we are borrowing 250 million dollars a week to keep ourselves in the comfort we are accustomed to. The nation’s population is aging and by 2050 we will have a huge amount of citizens claiming superannuation – compared with the number of people working and paying taxes. Plus an aging population will need more medical care such is the bugger of growing old.

These things will cost a lot more than we spend now. We have to find the money somewhere, otherwise we’d better come to terms with the fact we won’t be living in a first world country much longer. Anyone got any other ideas? 

THURSDAY 11 MARCH  

I whole-heartedly agree with government’s proposal to raise the driving age eligibility to 16…although 16 is, in my opinion, still far too young.  Psychologists believe the areas of the brain that formulate risk and consequence equations – do not fully develop until we are in our early to mid 20’s. That means we have young people that can’t fully understand the consequences of their actions, in charge of close to a tonne of steel racing at speed along our roads. Now if that’s not a recipe for disaster – then I don’t know what is. And what disaster! New Zealand has one of the highest incidences of young people dying on the roads than most other developed nations…not a fact we can be proud of. It is a fact we should be bloody scared of. When you combine our ridiculously low driving age with our substandard roads, over-powered cars, and a youth binge drinking culture - you’d think raising the age would be a formality. But no…do gooders and civil libertarians argue young people have the right to a license. Let me tell you…driving is not a right...”rights” are inalienable; they cannot be taken away! A driver’s license can be taken away…therefore it is a privilege.  The definition of privilege is ‘a benefit not enjoyed by all’.
 

TUESDAY 2 MARCH  

Is there a part of you that was disappointed that a tsunami didn’t happen in New Zealand on Sunday? C’mon be honest…were you wanting to see a wave take out a few parked cars and beach some millionaires boats? Or is it just me?
Call me sick…but the sight of some people sprinting from a huge surge of water would be exciting. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to see innocent people maimed or killed… just a few dummies who went down to the coast to see the tsunami frightened out of their wits, and if a couple do get washed away then so be it. You see, we don’t have anything dangerous in our lives anymore. I know people say you could go out tomorrow and get hit by a bus… but really…how on earth do you do that? Buses are on the road – you are on the footpath…the chances aren’t high unless you’re careless. We need a bit of danger….that’s why we throw ourselves off bridges with bungees and skydive from planes. So the next time the Civil Defence warns us of a tsunami can there please be one…just a little one…please. C’mon you know you want one!

MONDAY 22 FEBRUARY   

Wine and food festivals should be banned… now I know that’s a shocking call to many, but after I explain my experience at the weekend I’m sure you’ll agree.
My partner and I just happened upon the Devonport wine, music and food festival on Sunday. The sun was shining, the music was blaring and the wine was flowing…what could be wrong with that?... I hear you say. Well…have you ever seen the effects of too much sun and wayyyy tooo much wine? You see, I have no self control and I can’t count – not a good combination for someone facing the delights of said festival.
All was going well until I got it in my head that it would be a good idea to go for a swim. I took off my shirt and jumped in…upon surfacing I realised my sunglasses were no longer on my head, our remote control apartment key was in my waterlogged pockets along with our return ferry tickets. I checked and the key was still there but the tickets were gone…what a plonker. Somehow I managed to convince the ferry guy that we had payed for return tickets and managed to make the short jaunt back to the city. Then we couldn’t access the apartment complex because the remote key was stuffed by the salt water. In the end I jumped the wall rather ungainly and we got home.
The next day I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, a new key is about 30 dollars and I’m wearing my old dorky sunglasses.
Wine and food festivals have a lot to answer for…..go at your own risk.   

FRIDAY 12 FEBRUARY 

Walking is the new running ya know. After eating my way through a few pigs and some turkeys over Xmas, I’ve decided to do a Forrest Gump and lose the spare - around the middle.
A two hour walk three times a week, that’s about 10 kilometres a time. How do I know how far…well, the Roman Legion walked in full battle armour at 6 k’s an hour - the experts figure average people walk at 5 k’s an hour…I’m exceedingly average therefore two hours equals 10 kms….without battle armour. Now that should shed the pounds and have me looking fighting fit just in time for the Winter weather to keep me inside and allow me to pile it all back on. Go to the gym, I hear you say! Never…puffing and panting is a very private thing and I do not intend to do that for other peoples amusement…whats-more, it’s expensive. Besides, walking is what we were made to do…locomotion – everybody's doing it…just ask Little Eva.
So that’s the plan….become the walking man…..backpack, book, water and a sandwich…. A recipe for adventure.

Might catch ya round the traps.

MONDAY 25 JANUARY  

The apartment is quieter now that the christmas visitors are gone...Mum and Dad, up from the south, enjoyed their stay in the apartment so much they’ve already booked themselves back in for July. If I can time it right, maybe they can help us move.  We might be buying our own place by then, instead of renting and paying some-one elses mortgage....of course we’ll have to sell the ponderosa in Hawke’s Bay to finance the move into the Auckland market. Even then it’ll be a “please can we have another a bit more” conversation with the bank to get a place that my Heather will like.

Still if you want the bright lights of the big city...you gotta pay. I’ve got to stop comparing the price of Auckland houses with any other market in the country, it is what it is. Who cares anyway it’s only money...what else am I going to do with it? Buy bottles of wine and eat too much. I’ve been doing that alot the past month and all it’s done is make my middle bulge. Now I’d better put that hard earned cash to better use........I’ll just have one more bottle and think about it.

WEDNESDAY 25 NOVEMBER 

We need to save the planet! Save the planet?  The planet’s fine if you consider it’s been here for billions of years and will be for billions more.  Don’t worry about the Earth - it’s a pup, not even middle age.  Sure, the surface conditions are changing - but they’ve  changed many times over and will change again.We are probably assisting , but that doesn’t hurt the rock on which we live.....a gigantic sphere suspended in space revolving around a fiery galatic inferno.
The statement should read...”We need to save ourselves!” That’s the real issue - the topic of debate is wrong.  If we consider the argument from the perspective of our continued existence, the answer is clear.  Change our way of life fundamentally – stop rabid consumption, and get back to nature...everybody, now!  But that ain’t gonna happen is it?  We are on a ride that started with the Industrial Revolution, nobody’s at the wheel and still we don’t want to get off.   The tipping point is a blur in the back window and  Emissions Trading Scheme a stone in the tyre.  It isn’t gonna stop a thing, just make the ride a little bumpier.   

MONDAY 16 NOVEMBER

I've always been a trusting indidvidual, some might say naive, but I've always believed there is a little bit of good in everyone...until now. Last weekend my hopes and dreams for humanity were crushed when I was the victim of a horrendous crime.....a heinous act that woke me up to the reality of life in NZ.
My car was broken into and my back-pack was stolen. Now this may seem an insignificant crime to many people who've experienced more serious violations against their persons or property... but to a lad from down country this was a shock to the sysytem.  No longer can I stroll the streets of our major metropolis with unbrideld optimism for now I shuffle with cynicism, looking for a man wearing a nearly new Kathmandu pack uncomfortably.
 
If there's any justice to come from this, my pack contained a sweaty towel and a putrid pair of training shoes from a post curry workout.  So to the person who committed this selfish act.... may the wind always be at your back.
 
Up your nostrils.
 
Mark
 

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