War of the Cow Pats

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Cow pat harvesting time duly arrived mid-summer-ish, so it was out there with the truck and trailer, a shovel and some stout gumboots, this being one job a beginner gardener can undertake unsupervised. Got a whole trailer load! Great stuff. Towed it back home just in time to meet up with the Gardener, who directed the download operation and proceeded to cover the pile up with car covers as, she said, it needs to rot down before it is any good. You live and learn in this game: would’a’ though it was rotten enough, quite frankly. Stinky pooh!

Couple of days later, the Lady of the House – and Head Gardener – was busy splitting the primroses in the border down the driveway, and set the beginner gardener to helping her manure them. She showed me how to half fill the bucket with the cow pats, water them down, and dig the resultant sludge in around the little primroses. We did the whole driveway that afternoon and she was really chuffed.

Until, that is, the Gardener got home and saw that we had been playing in the patty pile. A truly heavy debate over when best to use the blessed stuff ensued, hotting up to such an extent that the beginner gardener quietly dismissed herself to await further instruction… Not sure about this gardening business: it all seems a tad fraught!

There are tears over tyre marks on the lawn, inappropriate use of cow pats, too-early-removal of dead heads, mis-planting of various species… I think I shall stick to managing the housework: no one worries about the dog slobber on my clean windows, or the flour and sugar during a baking session being sprayed all over my clean floors, so that’s a bonus!

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