I Give You… The Horse of the River

Article by Reuben Bonner of NZ Today Magazine.

I appreciate that New Zealand is a country isolated from the rest of the world. I also realise that our climate is not warm enough for a lot of species. But is it not just a little bit strange how few weird and wonderful animals we have here? Especially when just across the ditch Australia is home to koalas, Tasmanian devils, snakes, crocs (they’ll get you every time by the way), kangaroos, dingos, wombats, the platypus, and camels, plus many more. It would be nice to have a few more strange critters. It might counter a few of the sheep shagging jokes. Before carrying on I must acknowledge the tuatara, kiwi and our bounty of beautiful native birds, for they are amazing creatures and we are lucky to have them, especially because nobody else does.

But have we missed out a little?

If science is correct and we were all part of the mysterious Gondwanaland 650 million odd years ago, and essentially a piece of Australia, shouldn’t we have some of the animals that were roaming through the lands back then?

I am mainly a little bit disappointed because we don’t have hippopotamuses, aka The Horse of the River, for they are my favourite creature of all and a wondrous beast to behold. I have seen them at the zoo even though they will spend much of their time lurking under the surface of the water in their enclosure. Not that they are shy, it is so they don’t get sunburnt. Intelligent and self-preserving is the hippo.

And, for additional protection from the sun, their skin secretes a natural sunscreen substance which is red-coloured. This secretion is sometimes referred to as “blood sweat,” but it is not actually blood, or sweat. This secretion starts out colourless and turns red-orange within minutes, eventually becoming brown.

As you can see, the hippo is a wondrous, complicated and beautiful creature with a lot of character. But while we grow up to fear the lion and tiger, the hippopotamus is the biggest killer of humans out of all the African animals. So we should fear them more.

Despite what all the facts say about hippos being vegetarian my friend Neil from South Africa used to accidentally leave his bacon sandwiches down by the riverside and he assures me that it was the hippos who would come to get them in the middle of the night. As well as bacon (when they can get their hands on it) the hippopotamus eats around 65kg worth of grass per day. That is the size of an average woman. Per day.

They live in groups of up to 40 animals, called a pod, herd, school or bloat, so they are obviously social creatures — revelling in their fellow hippo’s company.

Even though they are bulky animals, hippopotamuses can run faster than a human on land.

I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, but this means that if you are ever being chased by a hippo, you are most probably done for, unless you have a bacon sandwich to throw their way as a distraction. But I still wouldn’t guarantee that would work.

There are estimates of their running speed varying from 30 km/h (18 mph) to 40 km/h (25 mph), or even 50 km/h (30 mph). The hippo can maintain these higher estimates for only a few hundred metres or yards.

Adult hippos are extremely hostile toward crocodiles, which often live in the same pools and rivers as hippopotami. This is especially so when hippo calves are around. Hippos are kind however and often seem to empathise with the prey of crocodiles and have been known to stand guard over dead and dying antelope on river banks.

While I know that I will never be able to keep a hippo as a pet, or probably even be able to pat a hippo and have it enjoy my company, I just wanted to let everyone know that even though a dog is loyal and grand, they are not necessarily every man’s best friend. Viva la Hippopotamus. I salute you.

Article courtesy of NZ Today. E-mail to subscribe . 

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