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by ellabelle 11th December 2009
I wish you'd get a real job.
I don't know why the seam has split again, you're certainly not over generous with the marshmallows in my hot chocolate.
Mrs Claus can tell not only children have been sitting on Santa's lap.
It's only an eggnog spill, I promise!! See look, I'm even drinking it now!
When you have finished ironing my boots need a polish.
Cup's empty!
this clause in our marriage agreement is working out perfectly
Me mug's empty!
"Your pants are pressed...no more eggnog until you have delivered all those gifts you promised." Mrs Claus has to keep Santa in check!
I know who you remind me of, Hilda Ogden in her heyday!
You can have your cuppa when youve finished. I need those trousers now!
Im not being unfaithful. What can I do if all these little old ladies insist on it for christmas
"Well... you DO insist on having little children on your knee so, of course your trousers have to be washed and ironed every day?"
"I don't tell you how to make toys!!"
and when you,ve finished that you can check the oil and water in the sleigh.
You forgot to add the sugar before you gave me my cuppa!
If you want legal aid,then we are playing the games that I want to play!
Either these have shrunk or you have put on weight.
oh when your done with that dear if you don't mind topping up my tea...
Easy see it is not Father Christmas that does the REAL work.
Come on woman, what's the hold up, Xmas won't wait !
'where's my cookies?'
"Iron them back to the size they were before you washed them!"
"Do you think the kids will appreciate a Santa with creased pants?"
"They'll be asleep dear"
"If you didn't stew my tea, that stain would have come out in the wash!"
"It's either coffee or pressed pants!"
MRS Claws.Are those trousers waterproof.I may need Depend if I have too many cups Coffee,so I will.
The things I have to do to stay OFF the naughty list.
The mail order bride website said loves housework, so stop your complaining.
I wouldn't mind, but he only works one night a year!
Look Santa, no way are you going to Tiger Woods place , his wife has taken the children to their Nana's.
Yes dear, I know, a woman's work is never done but that is because you never get started in the first place so get a wriggle on and iron my pants or the kids, all over the world will be revolting. OOOps!! too late they are revolting now.
I want some Listerine.
Cor blimey you're still cute Girl - how 'bout a little whisky now to
celebrate 40 years of married bliss!!
I knowthe pants are stained dear but that last little darling insisted that I held his puppy too!
He only gets it up one night a year.For the rest of the year his wee sled and reindeer's are safely tucked away.So I dont mind this yearly job of keeping him well satisfied,says Mrs Clause.
I have a pressing engagement too !!!
Don't push your luck SANTA or you can iron your own pants!!!
No more brandy in my coffee please.
The Flying Squad are having a booze blitz tonight..
You'd better make sure I've got a spare pair. You know I'm lactose intollerant and I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?
What do you mean I don't work very hard? You try delivering presents to every good child in the world on Christmas Eve. I'm just taking a well deserved break before I go.
"Look here woman! it's only one night a year I'm out on the town"
But that's what you said you needed, so you may as well try it out.
" You know what? I saw a coffee mug just like this on last years rounds"
DoI look like I enjoy ironing???
" I've finished my cuppa, hurry up with ironing my trousers , I can't be late for work."
I don't want to rush you but Rudolph is waiting!
Give me a chance man
Can you also darn the Ho Ho Holes?
When you've finished ironing my trousers can you get me another coffee?
Aren't you lucky it is Christmas, just one suit to iron. hope they still fit me!!!
Now do what i say woman. I wear the pants in this house!
You can travel aound the whole world in one night but you can't iron your own pants?
I've finished my cookies and milk. Can you hurry with my pants love, as Mrs. Claus will be expecting me.
When I said i wanted to get your pants off, it wasn't quite what I meant.
It was on the wish list! He wanted a baby brother!
stop this shouting and grumbling for one day of the year at least and let me see the children with a happy heart
Look here woman, I said cook me some f*%@#n eggs!
The suit's shrunk.Plus I'm not so much overweight as under-tall.
"It's in the pre-nup. I get to stay out all night once a year."
I told you i only stop with her one night each way i need to rest and you think i have the energy for that .
In your own time dear...a top up would be lovely!
Santa. Is that a glint in your eye and y0ur trou are off?
What do you mean paedophile!!! Good god woman do you really think I enjoy having those kids sit on my knee???
So you think you've had a hard night? Just who do you think you are?
Santa,be very observant when you fly over Tigers place, you may not be able to see the Woods for the trees.
Felicity could cope with ironing Geoffrey's Santa suit,even though the office party had fallen on the maid's day off that year.
Wish the elves can make a good cuppa like you do dear.
'I saw Mummy Kissing Santa Clause'.Yea right.You gotta be ruddy joking dont you.Santa's about to kiss hot iron,if he dont stop issuing orders.
What!!! what do you mean you made my coffee with the water from the iron??? No wonder it tastes soo bad
Now listen to me woman, if you think you could do better, you try wearing the pants.
No,no, no! You are going to be imbibing enough on those drop-in visits to certain firesides on Christmas Night, no more till then mate.
Comeon. Hurry up. Me cup's empty. I haven't got all day to waste, you know.
Before you get steamed up! All I asked for, was a coffee.
did you let those seams out after last year?
Oh go on. You must have a little bit of fluff tucked away somewhere!
Darling, because you've been such a good girl to Santa, I'm going to bring you something even bigger this year....how about a dishwasher?
Whaddya mean "stinky"??
I'll have you know these socks were clean on yesterday!
Tide's out!
Okay okay, so I told the kid to "pull my finger" !
Look Dear, there's just one small bit that you've missed, so do be a honey!
Shop Manager tells me that I'm wearing too much padding. I told him that I don't use any .
Now you know i need some whiskey in my coffee at this time of year my dear.
Aww come on honey.it's cold out there.Just one more for the road.
Deliveries may be late this year.
Its bad enough your pants stink of reindeer , but did you have to drop your teeth in the mug?.
" Darling, where's your spirit of goodwill toward all men?"
Now see here...
Don't you take that tone with me...and get your feet off that table! And... just how long do you expect me to wear this 'hat'?
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