The death of a circumscribed portion of animal tissue

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It was Dan’s birthday, and he and Marie had hired a narrow boat on the Grand Union Canal out in Milton Keynes for a long weekend. Their son, Rich, picked me up from town and we drove out to meet them, and others, at The Tawny Owl, for a birthday glass of champagne, and then to embark on the boat to pootle up the Canal for dinner at The White Swan.

We did enjoy gliding along the calm canal water, the views from which were markedly different to those obtained from the land: Milton Keynes looks quite pretty framed in lovely old oaks and beeches, with its occasional spires peeking out picturesquely, and people strolling along the canalside. Somehow the whole world seems to slow down to “smell the flowers” on the Canal.

Arrived at our destination, we all got involved in the “docking” process – with many onlookers offering advice and cheering us on from The Swan. The stern rope was a bit short, so yours truly went to step onto the boat from the canalside to release a bit more “play”. Had NOT factored in the non-boat-shoe issue and had GROSSLY underestimated the boating functionality of a pair of silly bright yellow pumps bought on a recent visit to Paris…

Talk about “going for a skate”, mate. I put my foot on the boat deck, the slippery sole did its treacherous thing, and I went arseyboo slam bang on my L hip onto the concrete wharf-type-thingy. Sh** it hurt! Had I had a bit more champagne…

The large lump on my left thigh, acquired when I fell so heavily on the concrete canal-side and which I have been hating ever since, my orthopaedic-surgeon-brother-in-law informs me, is a “fat necrosis”. FAT NECROSIS! I have been hating the lump even more since I heard the moniker. However, whilst out walking up here in glorious Godzone and truly being thankful for all good things, I had an epiphany!

I dislike having dislikes in my life and I realized that all I need to do to get over this particular one was to make friends with it – as I have with the scars from my mastectomy. I have renamed my lumpy leg condition “My Grand Union Canal Necrosis” in memory of a very funny, lovely, birthday celebration.

Feels much better, and I can look at it and laugh now!

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