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7 Sex Mistakes That Could Kill Your Relationship
The following are the 7 mistakes that you should watch out for.
(1) Comparing yourself against others
Sexuality is probably the most subjective aspect of human experience. As an individual, we are unique by ourselves and each of us get turned on by different things. There is no "one size fits all" magic method to better sex. Forget the magazines quizzes, the 6 steps sex books and the porn movies, there is simply no meaningful way to compare yourself to a stranger (that you see or read about) when it comes to sexuality. For example, what you see porn movies is just aiming to visually arouse you and not trying to show you how you can sexually satisfy your partner. Besides, almost everyone lies about sex. Comparing yourself to others will only give you grief. If you want to have an enjoyable sex life, focus on yourself and the person you are having sex with.
(2) Sex is not just only a visual experience
For some, having the lights on during sexual activity can allow us to enjoy visual arousal from our sexual partner. Great sex can also happen with the lights off. But it can't happen without touching and at its best it engages all four of the other senses as well.
(3) Just pounding away on her probably will not make her orgasm.
Some women are extremely orgasmic and can easily reach climax with very little skill on your part but most do not. If a woman can come easily with you by your mere thrusting action, you probably did a lot of other things right (before you walk into the bedroom) that you may not be aware off. During dating, you probably make her laugh a lot, touch at her sexually-sensitive pleasure points (not breasts or vagina), get her excited when you kiss her, you project confidence in front of her, you make her feel appreciated and all these little things can lead her to easy orgasm.For a woman the interactive part is the most important part. It is when she feels connected and engaged to you that she feels the most sexual pleasure. Make statements expressing your love in her in a proper manner and surprise her with sincerity at times with inexpensive gifts. This will flip the neural switches in her brain so that when you touch her body and make love to her, she experiences massive, orgasmic pleasure.
(4) Neglecting your body
None of us have perfect bodies. Yet we are always been fed with pierced together versions of beauty that can sometimes magnify certain "imperfections" of our bodies. In despair, some of us could just "give up" on caring our bodies. Whatever your body is like, your sexuality is part of it and you ignore your body at the expense of genuine sexual pleasure and empowerment. You should invest your time and effort in taking care of your body. Build up your heart endurance by running, walking, swimming or any activity that you enjoy for 3 to 4 days per week. Do some stretching exercises and simple weight training to boost your muscular endurance and flexibility.
(5) "Blind" obedience to the experts
Amazon lists over 150 books with great sex in the title, each one offering you an endless stream of advice on what constitutes great sex. However, one person's ways to great sex may not necessary be your path to great sex. It is not that people with expertise don't have something to offer. In practice, sexuality is so personal and unique that you should be your own expert in order to have an enjoyable sex life. Your sexual expertise comes from paying attention to your own experience, your own feelings, and the "signals" send out by your own body. It is only after laying your own foundation in sexual knowledge/expertise then it is worthwhile to listen to what others said before deciding which of their advice rings true for you.
(6) Confusing sex entertainment with sex education
Sex entertainment (movies, adult workshops, sex toy stores) can be a fun way to explore your options. But this is not the same thing as sex education or sex therapy. If you are feeling good about your sex life but want more fun, sex entertainment may offer a quick boost. But if you are unsatisfied about your sexuality or your sex life, it is better to turn to a qualified sex educator, counsellor or therapist.
(7) Keeping a closed mind on sex
There are countless ways to express and experience your sexuality. You don't need to throw out your principles to have better sex. However, there is always room for creativity in boosting your sex life.
By Eng Hou
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