The Secret of Having Luck in Love

Article by Dr. Diana Kirschner

Some people seem to have all the luck, especially when it comes to relationships. Meanwhile many of you have had your hearts broken over and over and over again. You wonder, what are the secrets to having luck in love? Well, here they are! I've worked as a psychologist helping thousands of singles get lucky in love. And you can too - by using this critical relationship advice with five key dating tips to help you find the love of your life.

1. Trust your intuition!

For example, you meet someone and the chemistry is right on. He/she is flirting all out or saying outrageously flattering stuff to you. You think to yourself, it sounds sincere. You want to believe what he/she's saying is real and not just a come-on. What you need to do, is step back away from that powerful gab, even for a few minutes and consult your inner voice. That is, feel your gut reaction to this person. That's where your phony baloney meter is. Trust your instinct - it's almost always right! Don't waste time with people who won't ultimately come through for you.

2. Be still and in the now to find the lucky surprises and coincidences that can turn your love life on.

Most of us are rushing hectically around, getting work done, taking care of errands, running here and there. We don't take time to slow down and notice what is happening around us. And so we may be sitting next to the love of our lives on the train or standing behind the 'One' at the grocery store and never actually speak to him or her. In my book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, I describe a Being-In-The-Moment exercise, where you take 10 minutes and practice slowing down and paying attention to who or what is right in front of you. You would be surprised about the connections, lucky surprises and coincidences you will encounter if you pay attention to the people and things around you right now.

Say hello to a new person every day. He or she may be the 'One.' Even if they're not, every person knows about 200 other people. You never know what love connections may come from a whole new social network!

3. Practice being grateful. Especially for being who you are.

Every day make a list of three things that you appreciate about yourself-even if it's something small or silly, like having a full head of hair, or your weird sense of humour. Studies show that keeping a gratitude journal is associated with being happy. Getting yourself to be happy to be you is the key to being relaxed and attractive to others. We are all attracted to smiling, warm confidence. So falling in love with yourself is the first step in finding the love you seek.

4. Look for a good person who fulfils three requirements:

- The person is crazy about you.
- He/she is willing to grow and change along with you.
- He or she is a good person

You won't be lucky enough to find a partner that is perfect right off the bat. The reason is simple: No one is perfect and here's a news flash: neither are you. Therefore, choose a partner who is willing to grow, whether that involves going to school, therapy or just getting a makeover. If you choose a growing partner you will create a relationship that gets better and better over time: This is your 'lucky' ticket to great love.

5. Get yourself a loving mentor.

This is the most critical piece of relationship advice! Find a mentor, a person who you look up to, who is like a good parent or loving benefactor to you! This is someone who believes in you and sees your attractiveness & your unique lovable qualities-a person who gives you courage to go beyond your fears. Spend more time with this fairy godmother/father. Take in what she/he says about you so that you can learn to think positively about yourself, regardless of your wounds and problems from childhood. Love is very tricky and you have to keep your eye on these positives to get the treasure. By focusing on the luck and love that is already coming your way you will turbo-charge your own self-esteem and self-worth and find the relationship that is the gold at the end of the rainbow. For the latest research on creating love that is just right for you read my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

Psychologist, Dr. Diana Kirschner, appeared on Oprah and is a frequent guest on the Today Show. For 25+ years she has helped thousands of single women find love.

Published 21st Nov 2008

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