Denise Corlett - Is Your Lack of Work Ruining Your Dating or Relationship Life?

By Denise Corlett.
Find more articles by Denise here.

For many years our status and how people interpret us is based around what we do as a job.  In fact, in the whole dating game, it is often one of the first questions we ask.  Based on the response, people can often be sidelined or embraced.

With retirement looming or with the economic downturn pushing more workers into redundancy and unemployment, how can you prevent a negative perception of yourself and still come across as worthy and attractive on the dating scene.

Retirement

Whatever age you decide to retire is often tinged with a mix of feelings.  Relief, trepidation, excitement come to mind.  Work provides you with so much including a means of finance, socialisation, acknowledgement and a sense of worth.  Once someone retires, often the source of feel good factors disappears, leaving a sense of loss and questions of “Where do I fit in this world?”

Redundancy and unemployment

Redundancy and losing your job, often leaves people with a feeling of having no control over what happened.  With a redundancy, a position is made redundant, however, you may feel like it is much more personalised than that.  Losing your employment for whatever reason can certainly take a hammering on your sense of self.

The tricks of turning this all around

With both scenarios you need to grasp hold of and hold onto your sense of worth and continue to retain a sense of optimism.   This is particularly so if you are dating as people will perceive you as you are coming across.  If you come across as negative about your future and have a down on yourself attitude, anyone you are dating is more than likely going to be put off.  So, knowing you have been a good worker, have a range of skills, were appreciated and acknowledged by so many people in your work environments will all be apparent in how you are communicating to others.  If you are going into or are retired or equally if you are looking for work, you need to retain the sense of optimism in your future and the activities and plans you have in mind.

What can you do practically?

• Spend some time looking back on your career to date and write down in black and white all the things that you have achieved.  Remember as much as possible, all the kind words, words of acknowledgement that people in your work environment have said about you.  If you find this difficult, ask previous colleagues or bosses and review any old testimonials that they wrote about you.  Keep all this information in your mind when you are out dating because if you feel positive about yourself this will come across.

• If you are retired or unemployed you can still be involved in voluntary or community organisations that can provide you with the same sense of worth and wellbeing, albeit the income, that paid employment can.  Be sure to speak with pride about your involvement in such activities to dating partners as they can attest to your positive traits and values.

• If you are seeking work, remain positive and speak of your desire to return to work to those you are dating.  Even though you are not currently employed, your desire to be so, speaks volumes to potential partners.  People are aware of the current economic climate and the mere fact you are still keen to work and not giving up are seen as attractive traits.

• Don’t forget the huge range of skills and experience you have developed throughout the years, not to mention the strong work ethic.  Many people seek to work with a bit more flexibility and balance in their later years as well.  Consequently they decide on a path of part time employment and self-employment.  Allow yourself to mull over ideas and look at opportunities in these arenas.  Often the interest and excitement of a new venture can be very invigorating and certainly seen as attractive in the eyes of a dating partner.

Dating Advice is a service set up to help single, professional men and women find, attract and be in successful relationships.  If you would like more help pinpointing stumbling blocks in your dating life (the things your friends, family, ex-partners  won’t tell you or don’t know) or to learn and practise strategies to improve your success to be with the partner you want…then contact Denise Corlett on 09 521 7449 or info@datingadvice.co.nz .

www.datingadvice.co.nz

Published 3rd Mar 2009

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