Closure and honesty needed

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I recently broke up with my long term partner... He walked out on me and my 20 year old son whom he had encouraged to call him Dad.

It wasn't that he walked out that killed me, it was that he just 'walked out'. There was not contact other than text, which he refused to answer sometimes for 15 hours at a time. We'd been together through thick and thin, through stress, illness and death, supported each other... and then all of a sudden, there was nothing.

I know now why some women 'flip out' when they go through something like this (and men too I guess) ... especially when their man completely lies to your face, blatantly, obviously, untruthfully... looks you in the eye and lies... How long has this been going on these lies? Is it a new thing, or has he been lying all the time we've been together? How can I even contemplate giving him another chance, when I know that he lied to me about something that really really mattered.

He said he needed the space to get his head together and that he'd contacted the therapist he'd worked with before we went away, that he'd get back to him at the end of January and would start beginning of Feb? The therapist got hold of me for a totally unrelated matter, and asked how things were going? He didn't know anything about our break up or where you were at even though you said you spoke to him on 11th Jan? How could you lie about something like that? I gave you that space and respect because I believed you were being honest with me.

I cant understand how one minute he is passionate and kind and charming, and caring and thoughtful (most of the time but noone's perfect) and loyal, can turn into a cold, thoughtless and horrible individual.

I asked for closure and got a text "It's over, is that closure enough for you? cu" ... that is NOT ENOUGH It left me feeling abused and used and unworthy and angry and very very resentful. I looked up closure on web dictionary to make sure I was not being unreasonable, but sure enough it stated that Closure is ' a meeting to sort out loose ends, to ask questions and to deal with legal matters"... please note the word "Meeting" not bloody cold and unemotional texts.

I now understand how the other woman felt. The one you've been with for 16 years and have had children to. I now understand why she sent such angry and bitter texts when we were beginning to go out together. She didnt have closure either did she? You just walked away from her too and your young children. How on earth could you be so callous? If I had realised where she was coming from, I would have walked away from you then, I guess that is easy to say now, now that you've ruined the love and respect I had for you. I grieve for her, and have taken steps to apologise for the things I helped you put her through... I know how she feels now, and quite honestly, I totally despise this behaviour you have displayed.

To be left in the gutter, with no income, no man and no respect is the worst thing. I could have dealt with things a lot better if you had faced me, had shown respect and care, and just dealt with things decently and fairly. I could have started my grieving a month ago but you let me think there was a chance that we could get back together. Instead of being honest with me, you came over friday morning, kissed me, took me to lunch, kissed me, loved me, talked with me, met with our son, had dinner with us and made love to me passionately and beautifully, all night... held me, stroked me, kissed me, looked into my eyes, took me places I'd forgotten we'd been together... got up in the morning looked me in the eye "I Love You" then left... AGAIN ... then after 9 days of practically silence you tell me in a text you shouldn't have done that cos it was over for you long before ?????? The only difference between me and a whore at that time is you don't look them in the eye and tell them you love them , AND you DIDN'T PAY ME...

Mind games are worse than a punch in the face, at least you can see a black eye...can put ice on it, and make up over it to disguise... with mind games and verbal abuse the scars are hidden and damage self esteem and worth. Closure is essential for sanity and maintaining reasonableness. I understand now why people become violent and stalk their xs. I know now how people make attempts on their lives and just how far I can be pushed before I crack, I know now what is important to me, and #1 is HONESTY #2 is Closure

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