Life is about Affirming Others

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By Mike Milstein

Born in 1931, Ann Newton grew up in war time England. She learned discipline early in life as she and her sister were sent off to a strict boarding school around Devonshire. She continued to live in a residential situation as she trained as a nanny, caring for infants from birth to three years old. As part of the training she observed a cesarean birth. She thought she would faint at the sight of blood, but instead found that she was fascinated and decided to apply at Barts, the oldest hospital in England to train as a nurse. At 19 years old she completed her studies and lived in a nurses residence where she was allowed to be out until midnight once a week but had to be home by 10:30 PM if she was on duty the next day. This structured life taught Ann discipline, how to get along with other people and how to deal well with life’s challenges.

Ann met Peter Newton, a Kiwi, at a dance. They were soon married and on their way to New Zealand. The move “was not a big deal for me, but it was a very big deal for my mother and father.” Four years later, her sister followed with her husband and in another two years her mother and father immigrated. “I thought it was brave of my parents to move away from all their friends and relatives at 60. They had a lovely 13 years together in Nelson before dad died at age 73. They got to see their children and grandchildren.”

Ann and Peter had 5 boys. To support their family they opened Pleasure Lines in Stoke, selling paints and hardware as well as sports and hunting equipment. They were undercapitalized and struggled, but they survived. Twelve years later they decided it was “time to move on” and bought a boarding house with 10 bedrooms. Within two years they decided to focus on guests with special needs. “People from the drug culture came to stay with us. That was new for me.”

Continuing their interest in helping people with special needs they joined with two other families and bought a farm in the Motueka area. “Doctors and clergy sent us people. There were no buses so our people couldn’t get to pubs. We had some successes and some failures. I also learned not to judge a book by its cover. There is something very special and good in every person, if you just look for it.”

Peter passed away over a year ago, leaving Ann on her own. “Being alone is the opposite of all of my life. It’s a very big challenge. I’m blessed having my five sons, my church community and so many friends.”

Ann has an abiding Christian faith that motivates her. “Without it, my path would be very different.” Her faith has led her to work with people in need. “We need to affirm people. I see young people who have no affirmation, not being told they are good. Am I of use? Am I needed? Am I still loved? People need that affirmation.”

Ann is clear about the importance of ageing positively. “I keep involved with family, church, sport, music and people. A lot depends on attitude. It’s inevitable that we are all going to age. It doesn’t matter what pills we swallow, what creams we put on our face, we are still going to age. But we can look beyond that to the usefulness that we can be. We can provide ourselves with lots of involvement and interests if we just step out of our comfort zone. I don’t succeed all the time. I must say it’s not all a victory!”

Ann suggests that we take to heart the wisdom of a 17th century nun’s poem:

Lord though knowest better than I know myself that I am growing older and will someday be old.
Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.
Release me from craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs.
Make me thoughtful but not moody: helpful but not bossy.
With my vast store of wisdom it seems a pity not to use it all, but though knowest Lord that I want a few friends in the end.

Note: This article was published in The Leader, Nelson, NZ. It summarizes an interview aired on Nelson’s Fresh FM that was conducted by Annie Henry for the Conscious Ageing Network (CAN), which is sponsored by Age Concern, Nelson. If you want to share your thoughts with CAN or wish to know when interviews will be aired, send an email to agewell@xtra.co.nz.