I have lived alone for almost 21 years now. I became elligible for the pension just a few days before I was widowed. Some family members stayed for a month or so and I was kept busy with business matters.

Once the door closed behind them all reality came in and I spent days weeping and taking my anger out on my inner self for allowing it to happen. It was not my fault though. I was crippled by severe pain and could not get up under my own steam. I was staying with my sister at the time. I was given a prescription for painrelief and soon I was on my feet again.

I found a small book by Beryl Wiata about grief and was surprised to read that my painful crippling was a common ailment of grief. Time moved on and I was such a recluse it was shameful. I joined Widows and widdowers and stayed a year. Of course it was all women. On the odd occasion a man showed up It was embarrassing for him as there were women who were on the prowl for a man, and he would disappear. I have never wanted another man as I have my own misgivings about that sex and was not going to end up with another one to cater for. Not my husbands fault I am like this.

No, I never became a merry widow and I guess it has been the TV computer and the library which has kept me going. I am learning everyday and if it is keeping Al Simer at bay , I count myself as very fortunate.

Good post Joybel. You are fortunate in having an enquiring mind. I admire your ability to enable others to think about life, to be accepting, and improve where you can. I can tell your moods at times when you post, sometimes there is frustration, or you are feeling a bit down, then you pick yourself up and carry on regardless. I don't think Al Simers has a show of seeping into your brain, it is too busy and active.

My neighbour, who is suffering from the onset of Al Simer, came over the other day with two cans of soup she had just bought and asked if I could open them for her. "Why," I asked have you arthritis in the hands?" "No it's this 'head' thing." she replies. I looked at the cans and found they had tab top openings, so I flicked one open. The look on her face, she felt so silly. I told her she wasn't the only one that did these things, it is 'normal' at our age.

Then the next day she arrived dripping wet and stood at the door flapping her hands up and down, and couldn't say anything. I said to her, "yes our power is off too!" I usually send her off home laughing, because she says I can understand her language without even her saying anything.

Joybel...Hat off to you in admiration for persevering.
You must have kept your brain active. I enjoy reading your posts, never mind whether I agree with them or not, it's your way of writing, your choice of words and expressions that I find most intruiging.

It must be very hard when you lose someone whose company you have had, and hopefully enjoyed - who has been part of your life for a long time. A friend of mine lost her husband a year ago. It wasn't a happy marriage although he changed a lot in the last year when he was so ill that his heavy drinking stopped. But I wasn't prepared for just how much his death affected her for a long time. She went into hybernation for some time but she was always a strong personality and it was this strength that she used to force herself to finally get herself up and about again. She did have her sons living not far away, and her friends to keep in touch with her.

Death didn't claim my husband - it claimed my marriage and after 35 years of misery I finally separated eight years ago. But I can empathize with the pain you went through and it can sometimes require a lot of effort to get through each day when you are on your own.But I couldn't think of anything worse than going through another relationship - one marriage was enough for me.